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Saturday, February 28, 2015

Thank God Emperor Barry is making Iran our friends

As I mentioned previously, Iran built a non-functioning replica (not full size, I think) of a U.S. Nimitz-class aircraft carrier. The Navy professed not to know why Iran would do such a think, and Iran claimed it was part of a movie about the 1988 downing of an Iranian civilian aircraft by the USS Vincennes, a vessel that looks nothing like a Nimitz-class carrier. And the Navy apparently leaked to the New York Times that maybe Iran wanted to blow the replica up for propaganda purposes. I suggested what the Navy obviously knew but would not say: they were practicing.

Well, the Navy and I were both right, as I suspected:
TEHRAN, Iran (AP) — With rockets roaring and guns blazing, more than a dozen swarming Iranian speedboats assaulted a replica of a U.S. aircraft carrier Wednesday during large-scale naval drills near the strategically vital entrance of the Persian Gulf.
The nationally televised show of force by the country's elite Revolutionary Guard comes just weeks ahead of a deadline for Iran and world powers to forge a historic deal on the fate of the Islamic Republic's nuclear program.
So, a high-profile, filmed "training exercise" depicts Iranian forces attacking and destroying a Nimitz-class carrier. Imagine that. And what a coincidence that Emperor Barry has a boner to get a deal that lets Iran build a nuke.  Personally, I don't think Iran really needed to do anything to intimidate Barry. What they did is clownish, but why argue with success?
Iranian live-fire war games are not uncommon. But by simulating for the first time an attack on the ultimate symbol of American naval power, hard-liners hoped to send a message that Iran has no intention of backing down to the U.S. — whichever way talks over its contested nuclear program go.
"American aircraft carriers are very big ammunition depots housing a lot of missiles, rockets, torpedoes and everything else," the Guard's navy chief, Adm. Ali Fadavi, said on state television. A direct hit by a missile could set off a large secondary explosion, he added.
So here is a picture of the "carrier" being hit by a missile:

And a 'splosion:

Why on Earth would you doubt that these people seriously want to reach a deal with us to end their nuclear weapons program? And what kind of cynic would think they won't honor that deal? After all, who thinks a foreign power not friendly to us would fail to live up to "the promise of hashtag"?

Do they not make ski masks for beer drinkers?

As I mentioned previously (I'm not linking to it, damn it, go find the post on the blog "Readers do the nicest things") a reader sent me a ski mask after I mentioned that my face almost froze off on a recent walking of Jeb the Wonder Dog. Again, go read the blog and find the post. I'm under time constraints here. Anyway, I had not yet had to use the ski mask as a ski mask since I got it -- I had used it as a hat. Tonight, while walking Jeb the Wonder Dog, my face was, again, freezing off.  It is low 20s, maybe high teens tonight, but just enough breeze that my cheeks were starting to hurt, so I pulled the ski mask down.

You know what? It is hard as hell to drink a beer through a ski mask without soaking the damn mask and severely reducing its warmth-giving value. I had to keep pulling the bottom of the mask up so my mouth was free to slurp in the nectar of the gods. It was awkward. I certainly hope there is a beer-drinker's ski mask out there. I intend to look.

BTW, this is what I look like in a ski mask:

And no,  that was not me at your Mini-mart at about midnight.

Friday, February 27, 2015

Yet another actual temp conversation

A guy at work ordered a new phone, which was supposed to be delivered Thursday. He was pretty pumped about his new smart phone. He went online to look at the tracking information on his new purchase, and the following conversation ensued:

Temp 1: Look at that. See the timeline? My phone is on the truck and out for delivery. It won't be long until the driver scans a bar code and that timeline says "Delivered."

Temp 2: And right after that, that timeline will get a little longer and some dude will scan another bar code, and the timeline will say "Stolen."

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Time for another rule

This would be Rule No. 12. It is related to the First Corollary to Rule No. 7, which states that a good seat is, by definition, one in which you will not draw attention. Rule No. 12 is: Do not stand out. This means you want to stay off the radar of anyone with the firm. You don't want them to think you're really good, you don't want them to think you are really awful. You just don't want them to know who you are, what your name is, or anything. You want to be that guy in the middle. No distinguishing characteristics.

Well, I apparently fucked up. For some reason, the firm's privilege guru made me one of the first two people put on privilege QC (quality control, people). This means I now have to actually think, deciding whether a document is privileged or not, despite how the first reviewer coded it. This is not a preferred position. I am making the same amount of money as everyone else, but a wrong decision now can potentially get me fired. No one ever got fired for calling too much stuff privileged, but a lot of people have been fired for deciding a document is not privileged when the firm later decides that it is. Je suis really fucking unhappy.

Privilege review haiku

Yeah, it's that time:

Put on QC team
Actually need to think
Just fucking hate that.

Readers do the nicest things

You never know what to expect from the readers of a blog. Yesterday, I received a package that was a gift from a reader who, having read this post, apparently felt sorry for me. The reader sent me a ski mask. It is green, which happens to be my favorite color. It looks like this:

Don't ask how I took that picture.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

OK, that didn't work

Maybe it was just the nature of the job today, but my plan to email myself posts while at work and put them up when I get home didn't work today. Rethinking, and maybe I'll come up with something that does not involve me not sleeping, ever.