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Thursday, August 28, 2014

Bad sign for the swordfish

Lots of new bodies were added today. We were told yesterday, in response to questions about when we could expect to be fired, that the original timeline was late fall (December? late November? who knows?), but that the people were being added because the timeline was now much shorter. The law firm is still keeping the agency in the dark, so it could be a week, two weeks or sometime in October. Someone knows, but they aren't telling us. Obviously, this is not good news for the swordfish.

On a related note, a bunch of people got added to the project today and promptly tried to fuck things up. Some of the new folks were seated in our room, and some were seated elsewhere. Two guys came in with one of the agency's project managers to scout out seats, looked around and asked if there was another room they could look at.

Sorry, couldn't help myself. As they were walking out, I said, "They won't have mints on the pillow, either."

And I'm pretty sure they could still hear me when I said, "We're not auditioning. Don't come back."

They didn't come back, and some folks in the room who knew them thanked me. Being anti-social, at least among temps, can have its advantages.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Readers send in the strangest stuff

I get stuff from readers sometimes that they think would be funny. They're usually right, but sometimes it takes me a while to get to it. In this case, a reader sent me a story from Wales that appeared on the website LockerDome.com in which a Welsh chicken joint apparently took its advertising to a whole new level. The site linked to WalesOnline for the story but, alas, did not provide a specific link for that particular article, leaving us with just the LockerDome summary:
Food Company defends its controversial new logo after customers complain about its phallic and unusual design reports Walesonline.co.uk
The owner of the Dirty Bird Brand has stated that the logo was just a unique way to change the "B" and the "D" look like a small rooster. We have a "hard" time believing that.
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The food company has also started using posters that state " Touch My Thigh" and "Touch My Breasts". Great wordplay if you ask me. Although, Dirty Bird owner Neil Young has backed his statements that these were not meant to be obscene.
OK, I'm with LockerDome. Maybe Dirty Bird isn't trying to be obscene, but that is just semantics -- those guys sure as hell know what they're doing and are trying to be as close to the edge of obscene as they can get. Doubt it? Check out another one of their advertisements:


Yeah, just another fried chicken place, trying to make it in a competitive market. Fucking hilarious.

This looks more like "cute" than "apocalyptic" to me

Dogs and cats famously don't get along. Except, of course, when they do. The kit-tays, who have no problem with climbing up human legs, walking all over us and sinking their claws deep into our flesh when they jump up on us, have been very respectful of Jeb the Wonderdog. They don't walk on him, climb on him or sink their claws on him. It's like they're friends.

They are perfectly willing to lie in the sun with him, for instance, not a customary activity for traditional mortal enemies:


But here is Mayhem, happily sharing a sunny space with Jeb, who seems totally unconcerned with the kit-tay sharing his sunshine:


I'm still waiting for the "mass hysteria," because apparently this is a disaster of biblical proportions:


Monday, August 25, 2014

A little summertime baking food porn

Got no idea what's going on at work, whether we have five days or five weeks left in this project -- or some other number. I only know I'm working a lot of hours, so make hay while the sun shines. Guess that mean's the sun is shining.

And it's a summer sun, so I should probably put up some summery food porn, right? Right. So here it is - zucchini bread, with zucchini from The Farm. We had an OK crop -- not stellar, for a lot of reasons, but not awful. Unlike the cucumbers. But we won't speak of that. Ever.

There's a real good chance I've put this recipe up before, but I didn't feel like checking, so pretend this recipe is like "Die Hard" and you watch it every damn time you happen to see it on, no matter how many times you've seen it before. It's summer. You expect reruns, don't you?

Anyway, to get started, you will need 3 cups of flour, 2-1/4 cups of sugar, 1 teaspoon each of salt, baking soda and baking powder, 3 teaspoons of ground cinnamon, 3 eggs, 1 cup of vegetable oil, 3 teaspoons of vanilla extract, 2 cups of grated zucchini, 1 cup of chopped walnuts (optional) and soem raisins (also optional, as is the amount you choose to include, if any):


Having assembled your ingredaments, you should mix the flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt and cinnamon in a bowl:


In a separate bowl, beat the eggs, add the oil, then add the sugar and vanilla:


Mix it up right. Now, add the raisins and walnuts to the egg-mixture bowl (or don't -- see if I care):


Again, mix it up right. Because we are all about mixing stuff together, now you pour the flour mixture into the egg mixture:


I'm sure you know what to do at this point, but I say again, mix it up right:


Once it is mixed up right, it the batter is probably pretty stiff. No worries, because here is your secret weapon to add moisture and make the batter more batter-like:


Dump that grated zucchini into the batter and, you guess it, mix it up right:


With a little luck, you have pre-heated your oven to 325 degrees. If not, please do so now. I'll wait. Once your oven is preheated, pour the batter into two greased and floured 8 x 4 pans. Or whatever size you have. I don't give a damn what your bread looks like, shapewise.


In said 8 x 4 pans, however, my recipe says it should take 40-60 minutes for the bread to be done (you ought to know how to test, but if you insert a knife into the bread, it will come out clean when  the bread is done). In my experience, the bread is fucking never done at 40 minutes. I don't even bother testing until 60 minutes. When the bread is finally done, though, it looks like this:


More or less, anyway. The recipe says cool the bread in the pan, on a rack, for 20 minutes, then pop it out and cool some more. I usually de-pan after 5 minutes or so, but you do what you want. And enjoy, y'all.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Yeah, I've been remiss about posting

Lotta work, not a lot of time to do much else, unfortunately. The project that was dead that I got called back to seems to be adding more people and is offering us nearly 90 hours a week, so it looks healthy enough from here. It's not often you see a swordfish that is not only on the deck but hanging by its tail from the trophy scale escape back into the water and resume a health run, but that's what this looks like so far. Should be here a few weeks anyway, which means not enough sleep because I'll be trying harder to post. Took today off, settled for a 70-hour week. Probably go longer next week. Guess I'll be posting from behind enemy lines. Anyway, later today I should have a food porn post, maybe a farm post, a kit-tay post, and we'll see what else we get.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

I suppose it is worth something to have my guesses confirmed

When I was on this project before -- before I got laid off, then called back to work on a different aspect with a different firm -- the firm I am now working for (same agency, different review facility a few blocks from where we were before) was at this different facility and would occasionally ask the firm I was working for to send over more people to work on this firm's piece of the project. It was clear that the firm handling the piece of the project I was working on was sending over the people they no longer wanted. Hence, the facility I am now at became known -- back when I was at the other facility -- as "The Island of Misfit Toys."

Some of you might be to young to remember the annual Christmas special on TV. Some of you might be too young to have watched actual TV instead of Hulu and shit like that. Some of you might just be fucking heathens who paid no attention to Christmas. This is what I'm talking about:


So anyway, now I am working over at The Island of Misfit Toys, and boy was I right. Normally, when you get added to an existing project, there are no good seats -- somebody already took all of them. In this case, we got lucky and got seated in a previously unoccupied room, which means I was able to get a good seat -- against the wall, far from the associates, they can't get behind me to sneak up. All in all, not bad.

Best part? I don't have to sit anywhere near the folks who were rejected from the original project and landed here. I don't want to sound like a snob, but I don't really mind if I do, because I see among these folks a significant proportion of people who are well-known as serious oxygen thieves. Offhand, I would say the other firm was fairly successful is sending its losers over here.

On the other had, these folks were working during the week I was laid off, and the odds are they will still be on this project after I am laid off again. Funny how that works out.

Monday, August 18, 2014

Meet the new boss, same as the old boss

Started a new project today. Naturally, we were supposed to wear "business attire" -- a suit -- and I was one of the five or six out of 40 or so who did. It's a stupid hoop, but if I were hiring temps, I would use it as an employment screen -- if you can't follow that simple of a direction, I don't want you working for me. But that's just a sideshow here.

This is essentially the same project that just ended, but a different aspect. One of the firms we were dealing with before is handling this aspect. As you might recall, I mentioned that there are several law firms involved in this project, mostly handling different aspects but forced to work together by the client. What I have been brought back to work on is a different aspect of the same merger -- different federal agency involved, but essentially the same crap. The really funny part is this project was staffed largely with bottom-of-the-barrel temps hired a few weeks into the original project, when every temp worth a damn in town already had a job, because the market was hot, and the rejects from the main review site that the other firm handling the other aspect of the case didn't want. For example, the canary is here. I felt certain he would have been canned long ago, but there he is. Also, the group I was called back with was not the best-of-the-best who got let go at the end of the first part of the case: about one-fourth are known slugs of dubious intellect and undoubted laziness. The unifying factor seems to be they are people who suck up to the firms' staff attorneys. Whatevs, we're working.

The "training" for the new stuff we're doing probably could have been done in 10 minutes but took an hour and gave us no more real information than was contained in the presentation that was the basis of the training and took 5 minutes to read. The worst part, as usual, was the 30 minutes of horrible questions, basically postulating every "what if I see this kind of document" ad nauseum. The answer, always, is "it depends on the document." And it's a good thing we weren't playing a drinking game. Had we taken a shot every time the firm associate answering many of the questions said "to the extent that" when most people would have said "if," no one would have been conscious, let alone sober enough to work.

No one will tell us how long it will last -- not a guess, not even a lie. But like I said. Whatevs. We're working.