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Saturday, May 25, 2013

Represent! Happy Memorial Day weekend!

Yeah, feels a little early. I don't really like this whole "closest Monday" shit when it comes to national holidays. It has far more to do with government unions -- so that government employees can get a three-day weekend -- than anything else. When I was a kid, I liked getting holidays from school in the middle of the week. I hated that shit when it changed.

OK, fine, I've established that I am an old fuck. Nonetheless, unlike the president, I know who we are honoring this weekend, and you should remember it, too.  This nation has been defended by thousand upon thousands of Americans who have given their lives to ensure we remain free. Memorial Day is for the ones who didn't make it home. Veterans Day is for everybody who served.  On Memorial Day, we give thanks to those who paid the ultimate price to preserve our freedom. And so I represent with our brand-new flag:



The old one got torn and has been retired in keeping with regulations (Lance Corporal Wolves made sure of that). While I wish everybody realized the distinction between Memorial Day and Veterans' Day, I really wish the president did.


"On this Memorial Day, as our nation honors its unbroken line of fallen heroes -- and I see many of them in the audience here today -- our sense of patriotism is particularly strong."
I guess it's not his fault, since he didn't grow up in this country for the most part. Still.

Jeb the Wonder Dog

I like to name my dogs after Confederate generals. My current model is a collie named Jeb, after Jeb Stuart, the second-finest cavalry commander ever to take saddle. (Nathan Bedford Forrest was the best cavalry commander ever. George Patton was the best modern cavalry (armor -- that's tanks for you civilians) commander.

But I digress. Jeb, the current model, goes with me when I go to the farm. I have a friend who has a few acres, and we grow some vegetables there. He also has a golden lab about Jeb's age, and they play while I garden. Jeb, of course, likes to hang his head out the window while we drive over.



Yes, these are all rear-view mirror pictures taken at great risk, at least as far as oncoming traffic was concerned.  Anyway, Jeb was happy, and there was no collision.

When we got to the farm, Jeb and his buddy, Willie, did what they do, which is this:

video
video
So there you have Day One of my Memorial Day weekend. More coming.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

I don't see a poisoned tree, do you?

One of the precepts of criminal law under the Constitution is that evidence against a suspect that is obtained as a result of knowledge gained in violation of the suspect's rights -- because of things learned during illegal questioning, or through an illegal search -- is not admissible in court. The evidence is considered to be the fruit of the poisoned tree, the poisoned tree being the illegal act. You non-lawyers out there -- and for these purposes, I am including most of you in Temp Town -- this would seem to indicate that it is nap time, as nothing good can come of a post that starts like that. But I know you can persevere. Screw your courage to the sticking place.

OK, detour -- my late sainted mother, may she rest in peace, used to toss that one out there all the time. A theater major, she was rather fond of literary quotations. That one is from MacBeth, Act I, Scene 7. There is some argument as to the actual derivation of the phrase -- might involve a crossbow, maybe musical instruments? -- but all agree it means you reach a point where you can't move anymore and you have to simply get tough and cowboy up. So work with me here, people.

In any event, if you could gather the information by legal means, independent of your illegal knowledge, then the information is admissible and isn't poisoned anymore.  I think we have that here. Let me explain.

One of the things firms and agencies always pound on is that you can't discuss the documents you review with people not involved in the case. It's an attorney-client thing. On the other hand the most truly interesting documents -- not related to the case, but usually emails about affairs and such -- have nothing to do with the legal matter that has you reviewing these documents. You still can't talk about these documents, though, no matter how interesting, funny or whatever, because you only know about the information in the documents because you actually read them. There is no other way for you to know.

Yes, yes, but what if there were another way for you to know? Couldn't you talk about it? I think that sounds OK, don't you? Good, because there is tons of shit on the internet about what I found in the documents I'm looking at. So that's the approach I'm taking: this information is out there, and I was able to find it independent of anything I do at work.

With that big-ass buildup, I just want to make sure that nobody expects some major revelation here. This shit is small potatoes. Really. But I found it fascinating. So here it its:  The son of one of the executives at the company whose documents I am reviewing played baseball in college. He was a pitcher. He was pretty good, but not really good, or he would have been drafted long before he finished college. He apparently signed a contract with a major league team to pitch for one of that team's Single A affilliates -- minor league ball, unlikely to lead to the bigs. He also, apparently, had been accepted to law school.

At some point, decision time came. This dickwad chose law school. He decided not to play pro baseball and went to law school instead. Allow me to collect myself for a moment so that when I comment it will not be an unconsidered, intemperate remark.

There. I'm OK now.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS ASSHOLE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Fucking anybody can get into law school. I look around me everyday and see proof of that. The industry is completely fucked up and much harder to make a living in -- why not become a newspaper reporter, if you're so damn desperate to join a dying industry? But to have the ability to play professional sports? Even at the lowest level? That is so much more selective than law school will ever be.

If you are that physically gifted, how on earth do you not want to see how far your talent will take you? Everybody and his brother played Little League baseball; most of them weren't good enough to play high school ball. In turn, most of them weren't good enough to play college ball, even at shitty schools. And most of those guys weren't good enough to play even Single-A ball at the pro level. How do you not take that shot?

At 21 or 22 years old, it is almost impossible to waste a year. Most potential employers would be impressed if you spent a year or two in the minor leagues, figuring out whether you had enough talent to move higher. But setting that aside, if I had enough talent to put me into the very select company that even gets the chance to play professional ball, even minor league, I would never be able to live with myself if I didn't at least try. But hey, maybe I'm wrong.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

At least Jay Carney told the truth about one thing

Granted, it was from before he was White House spokesman, but still, give credit where it's due. I hate to link to The Politico, but they're the ones posting video of Carney in 2006 saying he wouldn't be any good as a White House press secretary. It isn't that he wouldn't lie, it's just that he's not very convincing at lying. Hat tip to Ace.

Monday, May 20, 2013

This doesn't happen often

 On the same day, I agree with President Obama and his wife. Via Hot Air, coverage of the commencement addresses by those two individuals and commentary on same. Unlike that dumbass speech at Ohio State where Barry told the grads to ignore people who doubt government and just believe in how great big government is -- right before the Benghazi/IRS/AP subpoena scandals erupted -- the president sounded, no shit, presidential.  Nothing I can add would improve what Mary Katherine Hamm says at Hot Air regarding these addresses. Go read the entire link by MKH, and follow her links to the source material. I am humbled by how good she is. All I can say is, both of the Obamas' speeches really moved me. Good for them.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

All God's chilluns like food porn

Yeah, it's that time again: food porn, baby. You know you can't turn away, so here it comes. Today's offering is -- drum roll, please -- gumbo. Not soup, not stew, just good.

First off, get a nice, heavy pot, kinda like this one:


You will need a beer, as Cajun food requires it.

OK, now toss in 4 tablespoons of flour and 4 tablespoons of oil. I use olive oil, you can use what you like or what you have. You also can use butter -- we're making a roux here, people, to serve as a thickener for the gumbo. As long as your proportions are 1:1 for the flour and oil/butter, you're good. So any way, heat the oil or the butter, then mix in the flour so it looks something like this:



 Cook that mixture over highish low heat or lowish medium heat until it takes on a nice, reddish-brown color, like this:

Stir often, if not constantly, and keep an eye on it: it's easy to burn, and you don't want that.

Fine, while that is going on -- you're going to have to multi-task here, so it might be better to chop this stuff up before you start your roux if you're nervous about not being able to do both at the same time without burning the roux -- you need to chop up one large onion or two medium onions. I like to use Vidalia onions, although any sweet onion will do in a pinch. Not a bid fan of yellow onions, but I accept that people use them. You also want to chop up two celery stalks -- two ribs, not two bunches; let's not get carried away here:



I did not have a large onion, so I went with two medium onions. You can never have too much onion in a soup/stew/gumbo.

You also will chop up a green bell pepper, and have it ready:


 Once your roux has achieved that lovely red-brown color, you must gradually add two quarts of water, stirring constantly as you go so the roux and the water blend. Then add two pounds of chopped okra. Hard to get fresh okra, so you can used canned okra. Two cans might be best, as your okra is intended to act as a thickener. By the way, you're done chopping vegetables, so you can open that second beer now, as the risk of amputating a fingertip is gone.


Because you also are going to add tomatoes -- my recipe calls for canned tomatoes, but I usually use tomatoes from my garden that I have jarred -- it is permissible to use a canned okra and tomato mix:


While you're adding this canned shit, you also should sautee your onions and celery in butter. Makes it taste better. Don't sautee to a conclusion -- we don't want this stuff carmelized. Just soften it up:


Add the bell pepper and the onion-celery mix to the main pot. Bring everything to a boil, then take the heat down to low and let it simmer for about an hour, like this:

I know, hard to tell that's a low boil, but it is. If you like tomatoes, you can add another can of tomatoes. It's all good. So as it simmers, you can add spices:
These are added to taste: salt, pepper and Worcestershire sauce, definitely. You can toss in some red pepper, black pepper some Tabasco and/or some Tony Chachere seasoning if you like. I recommend all of the above, but this may take some experimentation on your part. If you are cooking Cajun, you pretty much have to use Tony Chachere. Ditto for Tabasco. No tour of the French Quarter in Nawlins is complete without swinging by the McIlhenny house, the folks who own the company that makes Tabasco sauce. Nice crib. Great family, great product. Use it and shut up, quit bugging me.

Now, you might want to put some meat in this sucker, so once things have simmered for 45 minutes or so, add about a pound of cooked, chopped chicken. You can chop up some boneless chicken and brown it, but that would have to go in sooner, as it will need to cook. I use cooked chicken, cut it up and toss it in. If you don't keep cooked chicken breasts in your freezer, plan accordingly and cook up some chicken chunks.


Ditto for shrimp. Once the chicken has been in long enough to heat through (or cook, if you started with raw, browned chicken chunks), you will be adding two pounds of shrimp. You can use previously cooked shrimp (I did) or you can use peeled, raw shrimp. If you use pre-cooked shrimp, just let the shrimp heat through, then take the gumbo off the heat. For raw peeled shrimp, give it about five minutes before taking it off the heat. Do not overcook your shrimp.


The final product should be pretty thick, somewhere between soup and gravy. I was pressed for time and was forced to serve before it was truly thick enough, but it worked. Serve over rice:


Naturally, the gumbo will be thicker tomorrow. Despite the insufficient thickness, I am told that it was pretty good:



We're not No. 2. Do we still try harder?

Way back when, Avis used to have an ad campaign that conceded that Hertz was the top rent-a-car agency. The hook was "We're Number 2. We try harder." They dropped it later, probably because the implicit message was that they tried harder and still fell short. Not good business strategy to admit straight up that your best is not good enough.

We at Eff You, however, have no problem making such admissions. According to Alexa, the Web Information Company, Eff You is ranked at 22,633,346 among he world's blogs. I assume (and hope) that there are more than 22,633,346 blogs in the world.