Saturday, June 9, 2018

Yeah, so this is a little awkward -- and disturbing

My current project is not located at the firm or at the agency. We are in rented space at one of those companies that rents out temporary office space. While many people view people using temporary office space renters are losers who don't really have a business, it is worth noting that, by renting office space and striking out on their own, these people already have shown more initiative and ambition than pretty much every contract attorney on the face of the planet. Many of them are budding entrepeneurs. But I digress.

What I actually am getting at is how much these people otherwise are so much like temps, and how much the environment in which we works fits perfectly with Temp Town. For instance, on Thursday and Friday of this week, anyone whose olfactory senses had not been destroyed by the stench of Temp Town or sniffing glue could detect a faint scent of poo in the atrium of the building in which we are working. Upon entering the lobby of the tower of the building in which we are working, it became clear that the whiff of poo was really, really strong. In fact, I was not the only person who was pretty sure someone had shit in the elevator lobby. And please, considering history in Temp Town, the possibility was not outlandish. And the smell was unmistakable: it was poo.

Sure, my natural inclination was to blame it on a Temp, even if a homeless person sneaking into the building was a more likely suspect. However, another guy on the project may have found an even more likely suspect.

As you know, I never identify people by name -- I assign nicknames. The temp who has served up a more likely suspect presents problems for me. He seems like a nice guy: intelligent, easy to get along with, possessed of social skills -- in other words, not like most temps. Nonetheless, he has a beard that makes it look like he is on the short list to be the bass player for ZZTopp, and a haircut that makes it clear that he is either seriously gay or a rampaging urban hipster who needs to be put out of my misery. He is neither, so I give his account of a likely suspect high credibility. For lack of a better name, I shall refer to him as "Freak Show," even though I am sure a better nickname applies. But, once again, I digress.

Friday morning, Freak Show -- who always is first to arrive at the office, at least among those people working in our room -- got to work, opened our office, then went to the bathroom, where he found another tenant -- not a temp on our project, but apparently someone else also renting office space -- taking what can best be termed a "hobo bath." In my experience, this includes bathing as best you can by splashing yourself with water from the bathroom sink, usually targeting the armpits. That isn't what was happening, or at least not exactly.

This guy apparently was splashing himself with water from a toilet. In his defense, he was targeting his armpits for this hobo bath and, granted, the toilet appeared to be freshly flushed and not full of poo or anything, but it still was a toilet. Used dozens of times a day by God knows how many temps and other tenants of this office space. Yet there he was, dipping water from the toilet and semi-bathing with it. Needless to say, the encounter was just a bit awkward.

We had already speculated that this particular individual was actually living in the office space he was renting. His office space smells like a landfill. This tends to support the theory that he both lives in his office space and that he took a poo in the lobby. More concerning, though, is this: Is it possible we have found someone even more socially undesirable than a temp? Do we want to accept that such a thing is even possible?

Naturally, we assume that, if this person is, in fact, more socially undesirable than a temp, he clearly is a leading suspect as the guy who made the elevator lobby smell like poo. Hard to believe we might have found someone more likely to have taken a dump in the elevator lobby than would be a temp. A little scary, really.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Using water from a toilet seems rather awkward. You would think that using the sink would be much, much more convenient. It's pretty safe to assume he's a freak, and probably an axe murderer as well.

I saw some crazy and gross things when I was a cop. Such as shot-off pieces of someone's face; week old bodies in the summer heat; and shit like that.... but what I remember as the worst was this dude in his 50's who lived by himself in a housing complex. The guy never showered, and you could tell by the smell. His apartment was small, and bare, and the kitchen was pretty gross. I entered his apartment on occasion, and I knew what to expect. One time, though, I entered his near-empty living room to find a neat pile of garbage on the floor in the center of the room. The guy had clearly upturned his kitchen dustbin directly onto the floor. In the living room. And... just left it there. For days. This disturbed me a great deal. I mean: How can you have so little respect for yourself that you do something like that?