Myanmar finally drops by

Not sure how I feel about this one, as Myanmar -- formerly Burma -- is not what you want to call one of the most freedom-oriented countries in the world. Still, this is a first visit, so we will put on a happy face to the extent possible.

Officially known as the Republic of the Union of Myanmar, the country is in Southeast Asia, bordered by India and Bangladesh to the west, Thailand and Laos to the east, and China to the north. It is the largest country in Southeast Asia, without about  more than a quarter-million square miles and 1,200 miles of coastland along the Bay of Bengal and the Andaman Sea. About 54 million people live there, with a significant chunk of those living in the country's largest city, Yangon (formerly known as Rangoon.) The capital is Paypyidaw. The country was known as Burma until 1989, when the military government chucked the colonial pronunciations of many place names, including the name of the country. When taking office in 1016, current President Aung San Suu Kyi announced that foreigners could call the country Burma if they like. A lot of people in Myanmar/Burma were calling it Burma anyway, as the military government was not exactly regarded as having come to power legitimately.

The country has some  interesting sights and beautiful countryside:

I like old stuff:

So thanks for coming by, Myanmar/Burma! Welcome to Eff You Nation. Come back soon, and bring your friends.

Brazil, come on down!

Brazil is actually not a first-time visitor -- not even close, really -- but someone in Brazil just came by this week and Brazil has never gotten first-time visitor treatment. That means, YO, BRAZIL, come on down!

Sure, this is cheating, but I also don't want to cheat Brazil out of its due. So here we go:

The country is officially the Federative Republic of Brazil. It is the largest country in South America and, sizewise, could eat all of Central America for lunch and still be hungry. The country covers more than 3.2 million square mils and has a population of 211 million, making it the world's fifth-largest country by area and sixth-largest by population. The capital is Brasilia, its most populous city is Sao Paulo, and the only damn place in the country anybody cares about is Rio because that's where Carnivale is at its biggest. Maybe I'm wrong. Could be New Orleans, but they call it Mardi Gras there.

The country is bounded by the Atlantic on the east, with a coastline of more than 4,600 miles, and borders every country in South America except Ecuador and Chile. The country was discovered by Europeans -- the many tribal nations already there might quibble with the term "discovered" -- by Pedro Alvares Cabral, who claim the land for Portugal, which led to Brazil becoming the largest Portuguese-speaking country in the world, largely on account of Portugal is really fucking small. The Portuguese colony became independent in 1822. It went through a lot of political formulations before becoming a democratic federal republic in 1988 under its current constitution, adopted in that year.

Anyway, Brazil has the Amazon basin and a lot of beautiful countryside, but it ain't all fish and chips. They have serious environmental and poverty issues. But it looks good:

So who am I to say? Welcome to the Eff You family, Brazil. Glad you finally got your official welcome. Come back soon, and bring your friends.

I been wanting me some Seychelles

Me and the Indian Ocean are tight. Visitors from the Seychelles just proves it. I've had a number of visitors from the Indian Ocean over the years, but not the Seychelles. Well, now I got me some Seychelles, and so you get the Eff You travelogue:

Officially the Republic of Seychelles, (the country) is an archipelago country in the Indian Ocean. The capital of the 115-island country, Victoria, lies 1,500 kilometres (932 mi) east of mainland East Africa. Other nearby island countries and territories include Comoros, Mayotte (region of France), Madagascar, Réunion (region of France) and Mauritius to the south. With a population of roughly 94,228, it has the smallest population of any sovereign African country.

Sure, I got Reunion and Mauritius, but this is my first Seychelles visit. I hear it's lovely this time of year. That might be true. Since the island nation became independent in 1976, the former British colony turned from an agricultural economy to a diversified economy that relies on service sectors, public employment, and tourism. Foreign investment has risen dramatically, as has individual purchasing power. The country has a solid economy.

"Discovered" by Vasco de Gama in 1502  -- the islands were already inhabited -- the Seychelles were a pirate haven for years, until the French took over in 1756.The British assumed control after the defeat of Napoleon in 1814, and the Seychelles was a British colony until 1976. And it's purdy:

No, really:

So how about a big Eff You welcome to the Seychelles! Y'all come back soon, and bring your friends.

My triumphant march through southern Africa continues

Zambia, bitches. First-time visitor from Zambia recently, giving me near-total dominance over southern Africa, at least in a digital way. The Republic of Zambia is a land-locked country bordered by the Democratic Republic of the Congo on the north, Tanzania to the northeast, Malawi on the east, Mozambique on the southeast, Zimbabwe and Botswana to the south, Namibia to the southwest and Angola to the west. Yeah, that's a lot of neighbors, and yet Zambia is sucking wind. The capital is Lusaka, and most of the people in the country live there or nearby..

Zambia is a former British colony that became independent in 1964. Its main export is copper. The climate is mostly tropical. The national bird is the African fish eagle, which looks a lot like a bald eagle:

Anyway, welcome to the Eff You family, Zambia. At some point, I need to tally what African nations are missing from the Eff You Nation. But for now, welcome Zambia!





Zambia (/ˈzæmbiə/), officially the Republic of Zambia, is a landlocked country in south-central Africa^[8] (although some sources prefer to consider it part of the region of east Africa^[9]), neighbouring the Democratic Republic of the Congo to the north, Tanzania to the north-east, Malawi to the east, Mozambique to the southeast, Zimbabwe and Botswana to the south, Namibia to the southwest, and Angola to the west. The capital city is Lusaka, in the south-central part of Zambia. The population is concentrated mainly around Lusaka in the south and the Copperbelt Province to the northwest, the core economic hubs of the country.

On 24 October 1964, Zambia became independent of the United Kingdom 

I'm big in the South Pacific

Fiji came by the other day, a first-time visitor to the blog from that island nation. Here's what you need to know:

Fiji, . . . officially the Republic of Fiji, is an island country in Melanesia in the South Pacific Ocean about 1,100 nautical miles (2,000 km; 1,300 mi) northeast of New Zealand's North Island. Its closest neighbours are Vanuatu to the west, New Caledonia to the southwest, New Zealand's Kermadec Islands to the southeast, Tonga to the east, the Samoas and France's Wallis and Futuna to the northeast, and Tuvalu to the north.

Fiji is an archipelago of more than 330 islands, of which 110 are permanently inhabited, and more than 500 islets, amounting to a total land area of about 18,300 square kilometres (7,100 sq mi). The farthest island is Ono-i-Lau. The two major islands, Viti Levu and Vanua Levu, account for 87% of the population of almost 860,000. The capital, Suva on Viti Levu, serves as Fiji's principal cruise port.[12] About three-quarters of Fijians live on Viti Levu's coasts, either in Suva or in smaller urban centres like Nadi (tourism)[12] or Lautoka (sugar cane industry). Viti Levu's interior is sparsely inhabited due to its terrain.[13]

Mostly they do tourism and sugar, but Fiji is pretty well off as South Pacific island nations go. Lots of natural resources, plus the tourism thing is huge. A former British colony, the island nation was given independence in 1970. There were some rough spots between now and then, with a couple military coups and shit, but nothing that made the country anything less than a tropical paradise. All in all, not bad. Got to like this:

So, let's all give Fiji a big Eff You welcome. Come back soon, and bring your friends.

Turkmenistan, in the house!

So, we have our first visitor from Turkmenistan. And just who, or what, is Turkmenistan? Glad you asked:

Turkmenistan . . . formerly known as Turkmenia is a country in Central Asia, bordered by Kazakhstan to the northwest, Uzbekistan to the north and east, Afghanistan to the southeast, Iran to the south and southwest, and the Caspian Sea to the west.
Turkmenistan has been at the crossroads of civilizations for centuries. In medieval times, Merv was one of the great cities of the Islamic world and an important stop on the Silk Road, a caravan route used for trade with China until the mid-15th century. Annexed by the Russian Empire in 1881, Turkmenistan later figured prominently in the anti-Bolshevik movement in Central Asia. In 1924, Turkmenistan became a constituent republic of the Soviet Union, Turkmen Soviet Socialist Republic (Turkmen SSR); it became independent upon the dissolution of the Soviet Union in 1991.

The country is mostly desert, and it is up to its ass in natural gas -- fourth-largest reserves in the world. That might be pre-fracking in the U.S., though. It also has a lot of oil, and grows a lot of cotton. It has a hard time getting that stuff out of the country, though, because it is so isolated. Apparently, tourism is on the rise. If you like sand, and mosques, I guess:

Anyway, welcome to Eff You! Come back soon, and bring your friends.

Niger? Hot damn, y'all, come on down!

Just got our first-time visitor from Niger, which only adds to my head-count in Africa. In Europe, I have visits from everybody but the micro-states -- yo, San Marino, what the fuck is the hold-up? -- and I'm doing pretty good in Asia (although there are some holdouts there), but Africa still is where my best visitor-growth potential lies. Good to see Niger come by.

So what do we know about Niger? Well, Niger:

officially the Republic of Niger, is a landlocked country in Western Africa, named after the Niger River. Niger is bordered by Libya to the northeast, Chad to the east, Nigeria and Benin to the south, Burkina Faso and Mali to the west, and Algeria to the northwest. Niger covers a land area of almost 1,270,000 km2, making it the largest country in West Africa, with over 80 percent of its land area covered by the Sahara Desert. The country's predominantly Islamic population of about 19 million[4] is mostly clustered in the far south and west of the country. The capital city is Niamey, located in the far-southwest corner of Niger.
Niger is a developing country, and is consistently one of the lowest-ranked in the United Nations' Human Development Index (HDI); it was ranked last at 188th for 2014.

Doesn't sound too good for the home team. Unfortunately, Niger is landlocked and mostly desert. Hard to move up from that, so the country is very poor. Even for Africa. Best wishes, Niger, and let's all give them a big Eff You welcome. Thanks for coming by, and next time bring your friends.

Tanzania, come on down!

So we have a first-time visitor from Tanzania. Come on down, y'all:

Tanzania. . . officially the United Republic of Tanzania . . .  is a large country in Eastern Africa within the African Great Lakes region. Parts of the country are in Southern Africa. It is bordered by Kenya and Uganda to the north; Rwanda, Burundi, and the Democratic Republic of the Congo to the west; Zambia, Malawi, and Mozambique to the south; and by the Indian Ocean to the east. Kilimanjaro, Africa's highest mountain, is in northeastern Tanzania.

 It's funny how Wikipedia calls a dictatorship a "one-party dominant state." It's a fucking dictatorship. It's funny how Tanzania's dictator, John Magufuli, denies that he is either crazy or a dictator, thereby pretty much confirming that he is both. Anyway, Tanzania is really fucking poor. Agriculture is a huge part of the economy, but production is way down under not-crazy, not-dictator leadership. There is some energy production. Realistically, anybody with any ambition or ability already left. Sorry, Tanzania, that it sucks so bad to be you, but thanks for coming by.

This is the first visit from Greece? Really?

I guess so. Monaco, Kosovo, Montenegro, San Marino, Vatican City, Lichtenstein -- they all refuse to come by. Greece? In the house! So what do we know about Greece? This:

officially the Hellenic Republic also known since ancient times as Hellas is a country located in southeastern Europe. According to the 2015 census, Greece's population is approximately 10.9 million. Athens is the nation's capital and largest city, followed by Thessaloniki.
Greece is strategically located at the crossroads of Europe, Asia, and Africa. Situated on the southern tip of the Balkan peninsula, it shares land borders with Albania to the northwest, the Republic of Macedonia and Bulgaria to the north and Turkey to the northeast. Greece consists of nine geographic regions: Macedonia, Central Greece, the Peloponnese, Thessaly, Epirus, the Aegean Islands (including the Dodecanese and Cyclades), Thrace, Crete, and the Ionian Islands. The Aegean Sea lies to the east of the mainland, the Ionian Sea to the west, and the Mediterranean Sea to the south. Greece has the longest coastline on the Mediterranean Basin and the 11th longest coastline in the world at 13,676 km (8,498 mi) in length, featuring a vast number of islands, of which 227 are inhabited. Eighty percent of Greece is mountainous, with Mount Olympus being the highest peak at 2,918 metres (9,573 ft).

When I was a lad, we learned a lot about Greece as the cradle of Western civilization. I think that school of thought is out of favor these days. Fuck that. Greece has a lot of islands that are really nice, I hear. They also are a constant threat to bring about the collapse of the European Union, which I view as a good thing. Tax evasion is the national pastime, followed closely, apparently, by not paying vendors who sell Greek businesses the goods that those businesses sell. I'm sure it's all hype.

Except for the islands thing. Such as this:

And this:

And this:

Come on. What's not to love? We also owe Greece -- or at least Sparta -- for giving us the battle of Thermopylae,  which gave us "300:"

So there you have it. Cradle of Western civilization, great beaches, hot chicks, fabulous war movies. Welcome to Eff You, Greece. Come again soon, and bring your friends.

Come into my parlor, Costa Rica

Costa Rica has added to my dominance of Central America, dropping by Eff You for the first time recently. Costa Rica,

literally meaning, "Rich Coast"), officially the Republic of Costa Rica (Spanish: República de Costa Rica), is a country in Central America, bordered by Nicaragua to the north, Panama to the southeast, the Pacific Ocean to the west, the Caribbean Sea to the east, andEcuador to the south of Cocos Island. It has a population of around 4.5 million, of whom nearly a quarter live in the metropolitan area of the capital and largest city,San José.
Costa Rica was sparsely inhabited by indigenous people before coming under Spanish rule in the 16th century. It remained a peripheral colony of the empire until independence as part of the short-lived First Mexican Empire, followed by membership in the United Provinces of Central America, from which it formally declared sovereignty in 1847. Since then, Costa Rica has remained among the most stable, prosperous, and progressive nations in Latin America. Following a brief but bloody civil war, it permanently abolished its army in 1949, becoming the first of only a few sovereign nations without a standing army.

The country is tropical, the weather is perfect year round, it is a surfer's paradise with Pacific and Caribbean coasts. It is the most stable of Latin American democracies. The economy is pretty good but poverty is high, as is unemployment. Can't have everything, I guess. Still, it looks pretty good:

No really:

Why don't you believe me:

I could go on. I feel no need. Please extend a big Eff You welcome to Costa Rica. Thanks for coming by, and come back soon. Bring your friends.

The Carribbean is my very own pond

Turks and Caicos, bitches. I know fuck-all about Turks or Caicos, but somebody from there came by, so it's time to learn.

For the truly uninitiated, Turks and Caicos are

a British Overseas Territory consisting of the larger Caicos Islandsand smaller Turks Islands, two groups of tropical islands in the Lucayan Archipelago of the Caribbean Sea and northern Caribbean region.
They are known primarily for tourism and as an offshore financial centre. The resident population is about 49,000,[2] of whom 23,769 live on Providenciales in the Caicos Islands.
The Turks and Caicos Islands lie southeast of Mayaguana in the Bahamas island chain and north of the island of Hispaniola and the other Antilles archipelago islands.Cockburn Town, the capital since 1766, is situated on Grand Turk Island about 1,042 kilometres (647 mi) east-southeast of Miami, United States. The islands have a total land area of 430 square kilometres (170 sq mi)

Tropical paradise are us, apparently. And a financial Switzerland, but warm. In the early days of European settlement, salt was the major export product. That hardly matters, because year-round, the temperature rarely goes above 90 or below 65. This is what we like to refer to as "perfect." So, yeah, I'm going. And why wouldn't I?

Like I said, why wouldn't I:

Are we done here? So give a big Eff You welcome to Turks and Caicos. Come back soon, and bring your friends.

Nicaragua, where the wind comes sweeping down the plains, or something like that

Got a first-time visit from Nicaragua this week. Yeah, I get it, there's a lot of that going on lately. You have no idea. But you will. I might have more first-time visitor posts in the next few days than kit-tay pictures. Think about that.

Anyway, this one is Nicaragua, which is

officially the Republic of Nicaragua, is the largest country in the Central American isthmus. The population of Nicaragua is slightly over 6 million. Nicaragua's capital, Managua, is the third-largest city in Central America. The multi-ethnic population includes indigenous peoples, Europeans, Africans, Asians. The main language is Spanish. Native tribes on the eastern coast speak their own languages.
The Spanish Empire conquered the region in the 16th century. Nicaragua gained independence from Spain in 1821. Since its independence, Nicaragua has undergone periods of political unrest, dictatorship, and fiscal crisis—the most notable causes that led to the Nicaraguan Revolution of the 1960s and 1970s. Nicaragua is a representative democratic republic.

I'm not even going to get into Nicaragua's political history. Like many southern-hemisphere countries, it is a long litany of revolution, dictatorships and democracies that really aren't. Suffice to say that the current president is the guy who led the communist revolution of the 1980s, and that the legislature amended the constitution to let him run for a third consecutive term. Whatevs.

Nicaragua is pretty damn tropical, which means it's hot, pretty much everywhere:

Nicaragua occupies a landmass of 130,967 km2 (50,567 sq mi). Nicaragua has three distinct geographical regions: the Pacific lowlands - fertile valleys which the Spanish colonists settled, the Amerrisque Mountains (North-central highlands), and the Mosquito Coast (Atlantic lowlands/Caribbean lowlands).
The low plains of the Atlantic Coast are 97 km (60 mi) wide in areas. They have long been exploited for their natural resources.
On the Pacific side of Nicaragua are the two largest fresh water lakes in Central America—Lake Managua and Lake Nicaragua. Surrounding these lakes and extending to their northwest along the rift valley of the Gulf of Fonseca are fertile lowland plains, with soil highly enriched by ash from nearby volcanoes of the central highlands. Nicaragua's abundance of biologically significant and unique ecosystems contribute to Mesoamerica's designation as a biodiversity hotspot.

The population of roughly 6 million is largely Mestizo, meaning a mix of European and indigenous peoples (Indians, y'all). They're pretty Catholic, but the government really runs the church. All in all, the country is pretty but poor -- nearly half the population lives below the poverty line, and almost 80 percent live on $2 per day, which makes you wonder what the fuck the poverty line is. It also makes you want to tell "poor" people in this country to shut the fuck up, but that is a different conversation.

In any event, welcome to Eff You nation, Nicaragua. I'm sure you recognize this:

Welcome, y'all.

Nepal came by. Really?

 That's not even a country I think about as having the interwebs. Apparently, though, Nepal is totes connected to the net. So, welcome to Eff You nation, right?

Nepal, officially the Federal Democratic Republic of Nepal, is "the world's 93rd largest country by area[11] and the41st most populous country. It is a landlocked country located along the Himalayas and bordered to the north by China and to the south, east, and west by India. Nepal is separated from Bangladesh by the narrow Indian Siliguri Corridor and from Bhutan by the Indian state of Sikkim. Kathmandu is the nation's capital city and largest metropolis."

Eight of the world's ten tallest mountains are in Nepal, including the big boy, Mount Everest. The people there are mostly Buddhist. The country used to be a monarchy until 1990. A lot of changes since then, including a Maoist government. Go figure.

Nepal's economy basically sucks, partly because it has a Maoist government, partly because things are actually pretty unsettled as to who is in charge, and partly because they really have nothing going for them, economically.

In 2010, agriculture accounted for 36.1%, services comprised 48.5%, and industry 15.4% of Nepal's GDP.[89] While agriculture and industry are contracting, the contribution by the service sector is increasing.[89][90]Agriculture employs 76% of the workforce, services 18% and manufacturing and craft-based industry 6%.[citation needed] Agricultural produce – mostly grown in the Terai region bordering India – includes tea, rice, corn, wheat, sugarcane, root crops, milk, and water buffalo meat. Industry mainly involves the processing of agricultural produce, including jute, sugarcane, tobacco, and grain. Its workforce of about 10 million suffers from a severe shortage of skilled labor.[citation needed]

I don't know where you go from there. Let's face it, this is your ace in the hole:

In any event, yo, Nepal, welcome to Eff You nation. Thanks for coming by, come back soon, and bring your friends.

Paraguay!

I know there's a bunch of countries in South America, but I feel like I am closing in on unanimity. We recently got our first visitor from Paraguay. and without checking a map, I'm not sure how many South American countries are yet to visit. That sounds like too much work to me, but I know it can't be too many.

In any event, we have Paraguay which, like Argentina, was a favorite post-war haven for Nazis on the run. That doesn't make them bad people. It just is.

Anyway, the Republic of Paraguay is:

a landlocked country in central South America, bordered by Argentina to the south and southwest, Brazil to the east and northeast, and Bolivia to the northwest. Paraguay lies on both banks of the Paraguay River, which runs through the center of the country from north to south. Due to its central location in South America, it is sometimes referred to as Corazón de Sudamérica ("Heart of South America").

About 6.5 million people live in Paraguay, which has a long history of military dictatorships and isolationism. They apparently have some serious episodes of stupid in their history, as well:

Solano López led the nation into the Paraguayan War in 1864 against Brazil, Argentina and Uruguay, and was overwhelmingly defeated in 1870 after five years of the bloodiest war in South America. William D. Rubinstein wrote: "The normal estimate is that of a Paraguayan population of somewhere between 450,000 and 900,000, only 220,000 survived the war, of whom only 28,000 were adult males."[19] Paraguay also suffered extensive territorial losses to Brazil and Argentina.

During the pillaging of Asunción in 1869, the Brazilian Imperial Army packed up and transported the Paraguayan National Archives to Rio de Janeiro.[citation needed] Brazil's records from the war have remained classified.[20] This has made Paraguayan history in the Colonial and early National periods difficult to research and study.

OK, Paraguay is pretty small. Argentina and Brazil are pretty big. Uruguay is a whole bunch bigger than Paraguay, too, and not just in size but in population. Paraguay was asking for it. No wonder they got their asses kicked. But I digress.

Paraguay has a fairly healthy economy, one of the best in South America, based on manufacturing and minerals. On the other hand, about a third of the country's population is pretty damn poor. So there's that.

Paraguay, apparently, is largely unspoiled, which I guess comes from being poor as shit. They have great jungles and stuff, including impressive waterfalls, such as the Iguassu Falls, here:

Sounds like a beautiful country. So give a big Eff You welcome to Paraguay.

Update: Not sure how I forgot about this:

Panama!

Cpl.Wolves' first overseas trip with the Marines was to Panama, and Panama has finally repaid the favor with a first-ever visit to Eff You. Because I am still pretending to be anonymous, I will not link to Cpl. Wolves' magnificent Facebook post on his trip to Panama, but I will put up a few of his pictures here. Such as this one:

And this one:

And this one:

A year after his return from Parris Island, he went to Panama on his first two-week training cycle. There, he volunteered to go to Afghanistan the next year. He enjoyed the hell out of Panama and really like the gunny who convinced him to volunteer for Afghanistan. Oddly, I think he liked Afghanistan, too. In any event, I will not be giving the usual travelogue treatment of this country as I usually do these days for new first-time visitors. I just note that Panama has come by for the first time at Eff You, and that Panama will always hold a special place in the hearts of the Eff You family. Welcome, Panama, and everybody give our neighbors to the south a big Eff You greeting. Come back soon, and bring your friends.

And how could I welcome Panama without this:

Ho. Lee. Fuck. Andorra!

Ask and ye shall receive, y'all! Mere days after mentioning that Andorra has never visited Eff You, Andorra visits Eff You! I would say words fail me, but that is demonstrably not true.

So what is Andorra? Well, it is mostly small:

Andorra . . . officially the Principality of Andorra . . . also called the Principality of the Valleys of Andorra . . . is a sovereign landlocked microstate in Southwestern Europe, located in the eastern Pyrenees mountains and bordered by Spain and France. Created under a charter in A.D. 988, the present Principality was formed in A.D. 1278. It is known as a principality as it is a monarchy headed by two Co-Princes – the Spanish/Roman Catholic Bishop of Urgell and the President of France.
Andorra is the sixth-smallest nation in Europe, having an area of 468 km2 (181 sq mi) and a population of approximately 85,000. Its capital Andorra la Vella is the highest capital city in Europe, at an elevation of 1,023 metres (3,356 ft) above sea level. The official language is Catalan, although Spanish, Portuguese, and French are also commonly spoken.
Andorra's tourism services an estimated 10.2 million visitors annually. It is not a member of the European Union, but the euro is the de facto currency. It has been a member of the United Nations since 1993. In 2013, the people of Andorra had the highest life expectancy in the world at 81 years, according to The Lancet.

Andorra is jammed between France and Spain, like so:

I'll tell you what freaked me out -- there are five European nations smaller than Andorra, which is fucking tiny. Apparently tourism and financial services -- Andorra is a tax haven -- comprise almost the entirety of the Andorran economy. Skiing and other winter sports are a bid draw there. The country is located in the Pyrenees mountains, and so its terrain is mountainous. For the Cowboys fans in the audience, that means "really fucking hilly." It makes for good skiing. It also means there are no airports for fixed-wing aircraft in the country, only heliports. Think about it.

It's mountainous and old and not heavily populated, giving you scenes like this:

And this:

So thank you for the prompt response, Andorra, and welcome to Eff You Nation. Everybody extend a big Eff You welcome to Andorra and ask Monaco and Lichtenstein what the fuck is keeping them?

Yeah, I rule the Caribbean, too

Antigua and Barbuda at long last have yielded to the siren song of Eff  You and paid the tiny island nation's first visit. But what is Antigua and Barbuda, you ask, besides a line in a Jimmy Buffet song? Funny you should ask:

Antigua and Barbuda . . . is a twin-island country in the Americas, lying between the Caribbean Sea and the Atlantic Ocean. It consists of two major inhabited islands, Antigua and Barbuda, and a number of smaller islands (including Great Bird, Green, Guinea, Long, Maiden and York Islands and further south, the island of Redonda). The permanent population numbers about 81,800 (at the 2011 Census) and the capital and largest port and city is St. John's, on Antigua.
Separated by a few nautical miles, Antigua and Barbuda are in the middle of the Leeward Islands, part of the Lesser Antilles, roughly at 17°N of the equator. The country's name was given by Christopher Columbus in 1493 after discovering the island, in honor of the Virgin of La Antigua in the Seville Cathedral. The country is nicknamed "Land of 365 Beaches" due to the many beaches surrounding the islands. Its governance, language, and culture have all been strongly influenced by the British Empire, of which the country was formerly a part.

The nation is part of the British Commonwealth, meaning the official head of state is Queen Elizabeth II. Being a tropical Caribbean nation, it is no surprise that tourism dominates the economy. I found this information on the nation's military fascinating:

The Royal Antigua and Barbuda Defence Force has around 260 members dispersed between the line infantry regiment, service and support unit and coast guard. There is also the Antigua and Barbuda Cadet Corps made up of 200 teenagers between the ages of 12 to 18.

The defence force, then, consists of maybe a company of actual combat troops (about 60-100 soldiers, probably closer to 60). I guess they're not worried about an invasion from, say, the Netherland Antilles. Personally, I'd invade. I would capture this for my headquarters:

This would be my naval base:

So let's all give a big Eff You welcome to Antigua and Barbuda!

I totally own Central America

Honduras, bitches. Take that. I've been all over Central America, but this is my first visitor from Honduras. Honduras, of course, is best known for getting in a war with El Salvador over a soccer game. Of course, Honduras underwent a coup at the beginning of the Obama administration, during which Barry chose - - badly:

“The unaccompanied children crossing the border into the United States are leaving behind mainly three Central American countries, Honduras, El Salvador and Guatemala. The first two are among the world’s most violent and all three have deep poverty, according to a Pew Research report based on Department of Homeland Security (DHS) information,” reportsNBC News. “El Salvador ranked second in terms of homicides in Latin America in 2011, and it is still high on the list. Honduras, Guatemala and El Salvador are among the poorest nations in Latin America. Thirty percent of Hondurans, 17 percent of Salvadorans and 26 percent of Guatemalans live on less than $2 a day.”
The fact that Honduras is the biggest source of the exodus jumped out at me. That’s because, in 2009, the United States government — under President Obama — tacitlysupported a military coup that overthrew the democratically elected president of Honduras. “Washington has a very close relationship with the Honduran military, which goes back decades,” The Guardian noted at the time. “During the 1980s, the US used bases in Honduras to train and arm the Contras, Nicaraguan paramilitaries who became known for their atrocities in their war against the Sandinista government in neighbouring Nicaragua.”
Honduras wasn’t paradise under President Manuel Zelaya. Since the coup, however, the country has entered a downward death spiral of drug-related bloodshed and political revenge killings that crashed the economy, brought an end to law, order and civil society, and now has some analysts calling it a “failed state” along the lines of Somalia and Afghanistan during the 1990s.

Who could imagine that  Barry would make a shitty foreign policy decision? After all, a guy who always picks the socialist is right, right?

In any event, I'm sure Honduras is nice:

Honduras . . . officially the Republic of Honduras . . . is a republic in Central America. It was at times referred to as Spanish Honduras to differentiate it from British Honduras, which became the modern-day state of Belize.[5] Honduras is bordered to the west byGuatemala, to the southwest by El Salvador, to the southeast by Nicaragua, to the south by the Pacific Ocean at the Gulf of Fonseca, and to the north by the Gulf of Honduras, a large inlet of the Caribbean Sea.

Tourism is important, and the country is right nice looking:

So, go there on vacation, I guess.. Pretty, right?:

We wlecome Honduras with open arms. Everybody, please give Honduras a big Eff You welcome. Come back soon, and bring your friends!

Rockin' Macau into the new year!

First-time visitor Macau came by on New Year's Day. Sorry it took me so long to welcome our newest country, but I have been working stupid hours, making up for the amount of time I spent between Christmas and New Year's not working. Hey, life is full of trade-offs.

Macau, of course, was a Portuguese possession from the mid-1500s until 1999, when it returned to Chinese control.  China, while communist, is happy to let Macau remain a capitalist haven, bringing in cash to help support China's otherwise unsupportable economic system. Thus, Macau is a cash cow for China with a purchasing power parity that is the highest in the world while also maintaining its status as the single largest gambling center in the world.

As a gambling center, perhaps it is inevitable that Macau would look a lot like Las Vegas:

OK, Las Vegas with water. Anyway, please extend a big Eff You welcome to Macau. Come back soon, and bring your friends!

Puerto Rico, come on down!

Maybe somebody was just looking for porn, maybe somebody is hoping to find a job as a contract attorney because the territory is in the fiscal toilet, maybe somebody just digs wolves. How would I know? But somebody from Puerto Rico checked in, the first visitor from the U.S. possession. That sounds so colonial, which is why I used it -- I hope it drives our progressive readers batshit. Actually, I doubt I have many progressive readers. I am aware of only one. But I digress.

Puerto Rico has dropped by, and now must receive the Eff You welcome it so richly deserves. So here it is:

[O][fficially the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico (Spanish: Estado Libre Asociado de Puerto Rico, literally the "Free Associated State of Puerto Rico"), is a United States territory located in the northeastern Caribbean. Puerto Rico is an archipelago that includes the main island of Puerto Rico and a number of smaller islands. The capital and largest city is San Juan. The territory does not observe daylight saving time, and its official languages are Spanish, which is predominant, and English.
Puerto Rico's rich history, warm tropical climate, diverse natural scenery, renowned traditional cuisine and attractive tax incentives make it a popular destination for tourists, academics, and business visitors. Because of its location in the Caribbean and history of colonization, Puerto Rico's culture is a melting pot of Taíno, Spanish, African and North American influences.

The island is tropical, the weather is nice, tourism is huge and hey have some nice old Spanish ruins. Plus the commonwealth is bankrupt. So anyway, welcome, don't bring your bankruptcy with you when you come to the US. Glad you came by. I guess. Frankly, I'm in favor of giving you the independence you so richly deserve.