I can't believe I lost money betting on the Puppy Bowl

Isn't the first step toward recovering from addiction admitting that you have a problem? Well, I'm not admitting that betting in football pools is a problem, but I cannot fucking believe I put money on a fantasy team for the Puppy Bowl. Actually, I can believe that. I just can't believe I lost.

A commenter wanted to know how the Puppy Bowl turned out. I'm not sure where I placed out of the four of us competing, but I know it wasn't first. I already paid the dude who won. Which leads me to wonder: might my dogs have done better if I had watched?

It's embarrassing enough without having to provide details

As I mentioned yesterday, there are some of us at work so desperate to talk sports smack to each other that we are willing to trade insults about our fantasy Puppy Bowl teams, and put money on the outcome. None of us has a team in the Super Bowl, so insulting those teams does not carry the oomph that accompanies insulting the favorite team of a co-worker. It's a guy thing, you wouldn't understand.

Sure enough, a reader didn't understand and sent an e-mail asking the following:

I don't get it? What do they do? How could you win? And what in the world do you put money on?

First things first, I would suggest you use the comments, not direct email, as a comment makes it look like people are reading this blog. People might actually be reading this blog, but the existence of comments not posted by me or spam robots from Russia seeking porn (boy, does food porn confuse them) tends to lead people to think that maybe they aren't the only person on the planet reading this. Just sayin'.

OK, having put that out there, I will now explain the Puppy Bowl and how we have monetized it. First, I will let Animal Planet explain the game itself:

Basically, you have a random event -- a bunch of puppies with chew toys in a large room. If one carries a chew toy over the goal line, that's a touchdown. Fantasy players can draft a three-dog team; the points those dogs score are the fantasy player's score, just like any other fantasy sports league. Four of us at work have drafted teams; Animal Planet will track the scoring, and whichever one of us has the highest-scoring fantasy dog team, wins. Each of us puts an entry fee in the pot, winner takes all. Simple, yes?

Sure it sounds crazy, but if we could get a bookie to cover prop bets, such as in which quarter will a dog first pee on the field, we'd do that too. So fantasy Puppy Bowl teams really isn't that far out. Either we're very sick to bet on this, or we are visionaries. Still not sure.

We are reduced to this

Since none of us on the project has a team left in the hunt, and thus are unable to talk smack about our team being great or someone else's team sucking, we are all drafting Puppy Bowl fantasy teams so that we can throw out insults like, "My dogs are planning to hold Michael Vick fights" and "You're drafting the All-Neutered Team" and "Is it a penalty if my dogs hump your dogs?" and "SI is reporting your dogs are juicing" and, well, you get the idea. I'm so ashamed.