I got all the haiku you can handle

We got an email the other day telling us all the things we're doing wrong. Not substantively, stylistically, like dress code violations, that kind of thing. One of the things we're doing wrong is a universal theme, though, which gives us this haiku:

Every project
"Don't microwave stinky foods"
signs always ignored.

Ain't that the truth.

Odoriferous? Really?

We got several email about stinky food. The first said don't eat stinky food. The second said please don't take stinky food out of the kitchen. After both of those emails were ignored, we go this one:

Good Afternoon,
Just a reminder that if you are going to be eating any foods that may be odoriferous (any kind of fish, cabbage, broccoli, etc.) please try to eat those foods in the kitchen area so as not to disturb the other people sitting in your room. We are all sharing offices with other people and what may be pleasing to you may not be pleasing to your neighbor so please be mindful of that.
Additionally please throw out any unwanted/excess food in the kitchen garbage cans not in the garbage cans in your room. The kitchen garbage cans are emptied much more frequently and food thrown out in your room may result in a lingering odor.

Odoriferous?

The agency may be winning the war on fun, but they are losing the war on stupidity

As I noted earlier, it would appear that the agency I'm working at is waging a war on fun. Part of this is because they worry about us wasting time, and part of it is because they get complains from a select few (two or three) people who get bent out of shape if someone is actually enjoying life more than they are. Because everyone enjoys life more than these two or three people (on every project, I might add), they are chronic complainers, no matter what project they are on. If we could kill them without legal repercussions, we would. But I digress.

No, this post is about the agency's war on stupidity. There are a number of signs up in the common kitchen area: keep the noise down, throw out your nasty ass lunch that you forgot about once a few weeks have passed and it is on its way to becoming a new life form, don't microwave stinky food that makes the entire work area smell like dead fish (this, of course, is the most ignored edict of all). Of course, I am paraphrasing the kitchen signs.

Today, we got a new one, and this is a quote, not a paraphrase: "Please do not put aluminum foil in the microwave." How fucking old were you when you learned you could not put aluminum foil -- or any other metal -- in the microwave? How old were you when you learned that aluminum foil was metal? Seriously, I'm not sure what kind of beanhead this is aimed at, but someone obviously did it, or there wouldn't be a sign up.

The problem is, nobody in Temp Town thinks these signs are aimed at them. One agency I used to work at a lot had signs all over their kitchen, "Please do not eat other people's food." What?!? People were constantly saying, "Who would do that?" The answer was, somebody, often enough that there are signs all over the place about it. The guy microwaving fish three times a week probably wonders what asshole is nuking stinky food. We've talked about this guy before and how the sign needs an addendum that says, "Odorous foods means your stinky fish, motherfucker." Shit, he don't know it means him -- he's a temp, no rule was written with him in mind.

So any day, now, apparently, some dickwad is going to blow up the microwaves with aluminum foil because that sign clearly could not have been meant for him.

I hate this job.