If it's on the internet, it's true, right?

Yahoo News is one of the worst for this, as they still have this story up:

Even though hunting is outlawed within the national parks of Zimbabwe, ten men were illegally hunting for elephants last month within the park’s boundaries when they stumbled upon twenty adult Southwest African lions. The pride of lions were not exactly, you know, expecting human visitors, so they immediately attacked the intruders. The attack was so instantaneous that five of the ten men were killed, three severely injured, and two lightly injured. The animals were mostly unhurt. The men who survived the attack ran to a nearby village for medical help where they were promptly arrested. Ah, karma!

The only problem? Utter horseshit:

The story posted above was originally published in March 2016, but it didn't gain much traction until a few months later. While it's not clear exactly why the article received a boost in popularity, it may be because Cecil the Lion was killed a year before, in July 2015. The article may have also received a bump after an anti-poaching group posted a hoax video that purported to show a lion attacking two poachers.
Regardless of the reason for the article's popularity, this is a piece of fake news from a well-known entertainment web site:
WNDR assumes however all responsibility for the satirical nature of its articles and for the fictional nature of their content. All characters appearing in the articles in this website – even those based on real people – are entirely fictional and any resemblance between them and any persons, living, dead, or undead is purely a miracle.

Amazingly, people put this shit up all the time as if it were true. Could you please be a little more skeptical?

I can't believe what I just saw

So, I got home in time to watch the Packers play the Lions. I had Mrs. Wolves record the game on DVR so I could go back to the beginning, but fast forward through the commercials. Midway through the third quarter, I was caught up.

So much for technical details. We got our asses kicked in the first quarter, not so much in the second and third quarters. Down 20-0 late in the third, the Packers apparently decided to win. Two quick touchdowns made it 20-14, then the Lions scored a field goal, making it 23-14. With about three minutes left, the Packers scored a touchdown to make it 23-21. We stopped the Lions and got the ball back with 30 seconds left. A couple plays later, we were 65 yards from the endzone with 6 seconds left. A defensive penalty -- some Lion grabbed Aaron Rodgers' facemask -- on what should have been the last play of the game gave Green Bay one more shot. They did this:

But first, did I mention I went ahead and made some game food? Yeah, did some bacon-wrapped tater tots:

They were excellent. Anyway, with no time left, 65 yards away from the end zone, the Packers did this:

 

 

Richard Rodgers is all alone, tracking the ball the whole way, with no Detroit defenders paying him any attention. Kind of like this guy:

 

 



Looking at his phone. Probably texting a buddy who couldn't get tickets, "We just beat the Packers again!" Hope he hadn't hit "send."

 

Anyway, it wasn't always pretty, but we got the W. I'll take it.

I can't believe the indignities I subject myself to for team loyalty

I just spent more than three hours rooting for a team I hate more than -- um, fuck, I don't know, herpes? No, I don't have herpes, but I have to believe I would really hate it -- anyway, I really fucking hate the Detroit Lions, and there I was, rooting for them to win. Why? Because they have an awesome defense that probably could beat the Seahawks in Seattle. The Seahawks' offense is so-so, but their defense is great. They lose against teams that play defense well. As it is, the Lions, who entered the fourth quarter with a lead, managed to to what they always do: choke, and snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. That means the Seahawks get to play the Panthers, who had to win their playoff game against a practice squad quarterback just to get to a .500 record. Seattle will kill them. And the Packers have to play Dallas, who is actually good. Fortunately, we play them at Lambeau, so I like our chances, but even if we win, we have to go to Seattle, which is a really hard place to play as a visitor. Fucking Lions.

Now, almost as bad as rooting for the Lions (unsuccessfully, dammit!), I have to root for the Panthers next week. I have a friend at work who is a Panthers fan who has been totally fucking obnoxious about them making the playoffs despite having a losing record ("Fact: the Panthers are objectively the best team in the league"). I really want to see them go down to humiliating defeat. Now, I have to root for that to happen in the NFC title game at Lambeau, which means I have to endure two more weeks of Panthers leg-humping by this guy. Lord, take me now.

Into-the-playoffs game food porn

Worst-case scenario, the Packers are in as a wild-card playoff team. If they win next week, they will be at worst the No. 2 seed. Depending upon the outcome of tonight's Cardinals-Seahawks game, they could be the No. 1 seed and have home field advantage throughout the playoffs. But we're in the playoffs, so what really matters here? Game food porn! Fortunately for you, we have plenty of it.

Today, we introduced a dish I call bacon bakers: bacon-wrapped potatoes. Start with small potatoes -- and I mean bite-sized small. Roll them in olive oil and sprinkle them with house seasoning. To make house seasoning, mix a cup of salt, 1/4 cup of onion powder, 1/4 cup of garlic powder and 1/4 cup of black pepper -- bake and BOOM! Excellence on a plate.

So, anyway, start with about a dozen-and-a-half very small potatoes, roll them in olive oil and dust with house seasoning:

 

Lay those suckers out in a baking pan of some sort:

Wrap each potato in a half-strip of bacon (do I have to draw a picture? Cut the bacon in half.) and secure the bacon with a toothpick:

Should look something like this when you'r done:

Bake that sucker at 400 for about 50 minutes, until the bacon is crispy and the potatoes are soft and fluffy. Serve hot (and take your picture quickly, because people will scarf these up and you'll get a picture like this, with damn few potatoes in it):

We had other stuff, too. We put out the sliced apples and caramel dip:

Also fired up some pigs in a blanket:

Naturally, we had skins:

And, because we time-shifted the game and recorded it so Marrying into Wolves could watch after work, the game food was dinner and, what is dinner without a vegetable? We tossed in a simple veggie plate:

All in all, pretty good game food combined with a playoff-clinching win. Bring on the Lions!