Breaker Morant would totally get it

My last post inspires this unemployment haiku, which requires video accompaniment. First, the haiku:

Does Rule Number 1
Kicking in require the use
of Rule Three-Oh-Three?

And now, the only short video I could find that refers to Rule 303:

Rule 303, of course, refers to the caliber of the Enfield rifle used by British Commonwealth forces in the Boer War. "Breaker Morant" is one of the finest movies ever made and is well worth your time. Naturally, I am not advocating the use of Rule 303 against agency personnel. No matter how much they might seem to deserve it.

Rule No. 1 kicks in yet again

After my project plotzed last week, I applied for a bunch of stuff and sent emails to various agencies I am registered with. Standard unemployed temp behavior, really. Throw a bunch of shit at the wall and pray something sticks.

As luck would have it, a couple things stuck. I was informed that I was "pre-selected" a project starting tomorrow, pending clearing conflicts. The conflicts form was stupid-simple, so I didn't see a problem there when I sent it back Sunday.

Not having heard anything by today for a project that was supposed to start tomorrow, I wrote back to the agency and asked if we were still on for Wednesday. I got the following response: the firm decided they wanted to go only with people who are DC-barred.

Naturally, I wrote back: But I am DC-barred. Gave them my bar number, which also is on my resume and was on my conflicts form. No, whether I had DC Bar membership was not an issue. Rule No. 1 kicked in.

The agency person could have stopped with "you were not selected." I don't care why -- not everyone can be selected for every project, and there are about a billion reasons to choose someone else. But don't tell me that I wasn't selected for a reason that I know to be a lie. Because then everything you say to me is suspect, and I know that you follow Rule No. 1 with a vengeance. Lying when there is no reason to lie just lets me know that you will lie, reflexively, simply because you can. Naturally, I got no response to my email letting the agency person know that I knew she was lying. Not likely to work for them in the future, I guess.

Happy Memorial Day

It sounds strange to say "happy," but it is. Yes, the day honors those who gave their lives to defend our freedom, but, for the moment at least, we still have that freedom, so "happy" remains appropriate. Don't piss it away, people.

The Carribbean is my very own pond

Turks and Caicos, bitches. I know fuck-all about Turks or Caicos, but somebody from there came by, so it's time to learn.

For the truly uninitiated, Turks and Caicos are

a British Overseas Territory consisting of the larger Caicos Islandsand smaller Turks Islands, two groups of tropical islands in the Lucayan Archipelago of the Caribbean Sea and northern Caribbean region.
They are known primarily for tourism and as an offshore financial centre. The resident population is about 49,000,[2] of whom 23,769 live on Providenciales in the Caicos Islands.
The Turks and Caicos Islands lie southeast of Mayaguana in the Bahamas island chain and north of the island of Hispaniola and the other Antilles archipelago islands.Cockburn Town, the capital since 1766, is situated on Grand Turk Island about 1,042 kilometres (647 mi) east-southeast of Miami, United States. The islands have a total land area of 430 square kilometres (170 sq mi)

Tropical paradise are us, apparently. And a financial Switzerland, but warm. In the early days of European settlement, salt was the major export product. That hardly matters, because year-round, the temperature rarely goes above 90 or below 65. This is what we like to refer to as "perfect." So, yeah, I'm going. And why wouldn't I?

Like I said, why wouldn't I:

Are we done here? So give a big Eff You welcome to Turks and Caicos. Come back soon, and bring your friends.

Nicaragua, where the wind comes sweeping down the plains, or something like that

Got a first-time visit from Nicaragua this week. Yeah, I get it, there's a lot of that going on lately. You have no idea. But you will. I might have more first-time visitor posts in the next few days than kit-tay pictures. Think about that.

Anyway, this one is Nicaragua, which is

officially the Republic of Nicaragua, is the largest country in the Central American isthmus. The population of Nicaragua is slightly over 6 million. Nicaragua's capital, Managua, is the third-largest city in Central America. The multi-ethnic population includes indigenous peoples, Europeans, Africans, Asians. The main language is Spanish. Native tribes on the eastern coast speak their own languages.
The Spanish Empire conquered the region in the 16th century. Nicaragua gained independence from Spain in 1821. Since its independence, Nicaragua has undergone periods of political unrest, dictatorship, and fiscal crisis—the most notable causes that led to the Nicaraguan Revolution of the 1960s and 1970s. Nicaragua is a representative democratic republic.

I'm not even going to get into Nicaragua's political history. Like many southern-hemisphere countries, it is a long litany of revolution, dictatorships and democracies that really aren't. Suffice to say that the current president is the guy who led the communist revolution of the 1980s, and that the legislature amended the constitution to let him run for a third consecutive term. Whatevs.

Nicaragua is pretty damn tropical, which means it's hot, pretty much everywhere:

Nicaragua occupies a landmass of 130,967 km2 (50,567 sq mi). Nicaragua has three distinct geographical regions: the Pacific lowlands - fertile valleys which the Spanish colonists settled, the Amerrisque Mountains (North-central highlands), and the Mosquito Coast (Atlantic lowlands/Caribbean lowlands).
The low plains of the Atlantic Coast are 97 km (60 mi) wide in areas. They have long been exploited for their natural resources.
On the Pacific side of Nicaragua are the two largest fresh water lakes in Central America—Lake Managua and Lake Nicaragua. Surrounding these lakes and extending to their northwest along the rift valley of the Gulf of Fonseca are fertile lowland plains, with soil highly enriched by ash from nearby volcanoes of the central highlands. Nicaragua's abundance of biologically significant and unique ecosystems contribute to Mesoamerica's designation as a biodiversity hotspot.

The population of roughly 6 million is largely Mestizo, meaning a mix of European and indigenous peoples (Indians, y'all). They're pretty Catholic, but the government really runs the church. All in all, the country is pretty but poor -- nearly half the population lives below the poverty line, and almost 80 percent live on $2 per day, which makes you wonder what the fuck the poverty line is. It also makes you want to tell "poor" people in this country to shut the fuck up, but that is a different conversation.

In any event, welcome to Eff You nation, Nicaragua. I'm sure you recognize this:

Welcome, y'all.

Nepal came by. Really?

 That's not even a country I think about as having the interwebs. Apparently, though, Nepal is totes connected to the net. So, welcome to Eff You nation, right?

Nepal, officially the Federal Democratic Republic of Nepal, is "the world's 93rd largest country by area[11] and the41st most populous country. It is a landlocked country located along the Himalayas and bordered to the north by China and to the south, east, and west by India. Nepal is separated from Bangladesh by the narrow Indian Siliguri Corridor and from Bhutan by the Indian state of Sikkim. Kathmandu is the nation's capital city and largest metropolis."

Eight of the world's ten tallest mountains are in Nepal, including the big boy, Mount Everest. The people there are mostly Buddhist. The country used to be a monarchy until 1990. A lot of changes since then, including a Maoist government. Go figure.

Nepal's economy basically sucks, partly because it has a Maoist government, partly because things are actually pretty unsettled as to who is in charge, and partly because they really have nothing going for them, economically.

In 2010, agriculture accounted for 36.1%, services comprised 48.5%, and industry 15.4% of Nepal's GDP.[89] While agriculture and industry are contracting, the contribution by the service sector is increasing.[89][90]Agriculture employs 76% of the workforce, services 18% and manufacturing and craft-based industry 6%.[citation needed] Agricultural produce – mostly grown in the Terai region bordering India – includes tea, rice, corn, wheat, sugarcane, root crops, milk, and water buffalo meat. Industry mainly involves the processing of agricultural produce, including jute, sugarcane, tobacco, and grain. Its workforce of about 10 million suffers from a severe shortage of skilled labor.[citation needed]

I don't know where you go from there. Let's face it, this is your ace in the hole:

In any event, yo, Nepal, welcome to Eff You nation. Thanks for coming by, come back soon, and bring your friends.

I know you've been missing the food porn

I made something the other night that it turned out has not been featured in food porn. So, here it is. It is a pot roast recipe of the stove-top variety. Not that complicated, but pretty tasty. You will start with olive oil, a chunk of beef (preferably a round tip roast, preferably 3 pounds, although neither is mandatory), some flour, 3 medium onions, at least 3 large carrots, at least 3 stalks of celery, about 4 cloves of minced garlic, some salt and pepper to taste, 2 12-ounce cans of beef broth,v 1 cup of red wine (that is one of those little airplane bottles), 2 tablespoons of corn starch and a little water:

So, put some flour in a baking dish, and add pepper and salt:

Put 1/4 cup of olive oil into a large pot and turn it up to medium heat. :

Dredge the roast in the flour/salt/pepper mix:

Brown on all sides in the hot oil:

Chop the celery, onions and carrots:

Toss those bad boys into the pan with the roast:

Add the garlic, and cook until lightly browned. Then add the red wine:

Bring that sucker to a simmer, then add the two cans of beef broth:

Cover, put that sucker on low heat and let it go for 2 or 3 hours, until the meat is tender. Then pull the meat out. Look, I know you don't want to hear that. Just do it:

While the meat rests -- you know this has to happen, even if you want to deny it -- mix the corn starch with a little water, add it to the liquid in the cooking pan:

Stir that over medium heat until it thickens into gravy. Slop that gravy over everything you want gravy on and enjoy:

Bon appetit, bitches.