Pretty much anybody who wants to know who writes this blog already knows. Mostly, I don't care. Actually, always I don't care. Every now and then, though, it leads to interesting situations.
For instance, today, I was at work and a guy I know came up to me. This is, of course, the same project I was on last year at this time, and this guy was in my room. He's a good dude. But he kind of threw me off today -- he saw me and said, "Am I Wolfman Jack?"
For those of you who haven't been paying attention, Wolfman Jack was first mentioned here, and most recently was mentioned here, as he also has returned to this project. Fortunately, I was able to resassure him that he definitely was not Wolfman Jack. The conversation went something like this:
Him: Am I Wolfman Jack? Me: Oh, God, no. You are nowhere near hirsute enough to be Wolfman Jack.
I then took him on a quick detour to point out Wolfman Jack. He realized he did not come close to qualifying, and then this exchange took place:
Him: Oh, I know him. He's a nice guy. Me: Doesn't matter. He could be the nicest guy in the world. The nicknames are based on how people look. He's Wolfman Jack.
And he went back to his workstation, happy that he wasn't Wolfman Jack. Even though Wolfman Jack was, of course, one handsome devil:
Folks who follow this blog know that I had started a series of "real emails from management" that kind of highlighted how stupid this industry is. I had to suspend that series and delete the posts for some rather unusual reasons. Since then, I have largely avoided posting about the project I am on, even though it is just fucking hilarious.
Well, I have found a way around that. I've decided to do a post about a few of the movie characters who appear to be on this project. As regulars know, I don't do names -- people you meet on projects are like taxis. You see them everywhere, they look a lot alike but you're never sure if you're seen that particular taxi before. I don't bother to learn or remember people's names because I likely won't work with them again and if I do, well, I didn't care what their name was last time, why start now? This system has flaws, such as when people I worked with before remember me and I don't remember them, but I generally am able to pretend I remember them. I just never call them by their names, because I either don't remember or never knew. Several people on this project who greet me enthusiastically fall into that latter category seem to be convinced I remember them. Um, no.
In any event, I generally give nicknames to memorable people. By memorable, I don't mean people I want to hang with. I generally mean people who look like someone -- or something -- that I find amusing. Yes, all of this makes me an asshole, but I don't really care. I give out the nicknames nonetheless.
Lord help me, here they are. I am generally not linking to what made the real characters famous. Look it up yourself. But I'll give you the photos of the people these folks resemble. Without further ado:
Balki, from the TV show "Taxi" played by Andy Kaufman, is on this project:
We also have Booger, from the "Revenge of the Nerds" movies:
And who could forget Doc Brown from the "Back to the Future" flicks (who also appeared in the series "Taxi" with Andy Kaufman):
So proud to have the late Clara Peller on board:
Clara, God rest her soul, gained fame in 1984 in this Wendy's commercial:
Finally, we also have famed radio DJ from the 1960s and '70s, Wolfman Jack:
With a little luck, I won't ever see these people again. I'm sure they feel the same way about me.
In the last post, I referenced Jabba the Hutt, in particular as a nickname for a guy on the project. I had not previously referred to this guy because there was a chance other folks on the project read this blog and would know who I am and who I was talking about. Since Jabba was evil, and the guy I'm calling Jabba was actually an OK dude, I didn't want to have to deal with that kind of fallout, so I simply didn't bring it up. I'm gone now, so I can discuss Jabba. Naturally, if I am ever on a project with any of these folks again and somebody puts two and two together and thinks I'm a dick for calling this guy Jabba, I will deny any knowledge of Jabba, this blog and ever having been on that project.
Temp Town has several kinds of people you really just don't want to sit next to or, if you must, that really make you want to put in the headphones and listen to something really fucking loud so you can tune those folks out. Among these undesirables are, of course, the peckerheads, the social misfits and the crazies that pervade Temp Town. No one blames you for wanting to avoid or ignore these folks. Sometimes, though, there are nice folks in Temp Town that you nonetheless really don't want to sit next to. Enter Jabba.
Jabba is, as the nickname implies, immense. He is damn near spherical. However, it is not his appearance that makes him undesirable as a neighbor. Jabba is the only person I've ever met who might just have sleep apnea while he is awake. He doesn't breathe -- he snores, and that's while he is awake. When he falls asleep -- which is often -- it is worse. He has some kind of serious respiratory problem that makes me want to have sympathy for him but mostly just makes me want him to be somewhere else. If he were a dick, I would be OK with wanting him to be somewhere else, but he isn't -- he's a nice guy. He just has physical issues. Naturally, this makes me feel kind of like a dick myself for having negative thoughts about him.
On the other hand, you try sitting next to that shit for 10 or 12 hours a day. Mother fucking Theresa would slip arsenic in his lunch before the first week was out. So I don't feel so bad. And I feel great about being out of there, especially since I have a fabulous fucking seat location on my new project. End of the row, against the wall, the two seats to my right empty. Temp Town heaven. It's not much, but you take what you can.
Fortunately for Betsy, the DAR conversation happened earlier in the project than the revelation that she is a big baseball fan and, coincidentally, a big fan of beer. As beer is near and dear to my heart, had I known this first, her nickname doubtless would have been Toby Keith, in honor of his song, "I Like Girls That Drink Beer." Betsy Ross, while not a first choice for most women as a nickname, sure beats Toby Keith.
Every project has its characters, some good, some bad, some just there. Usually, I am one of them, although I am never "just there." Sometimes I'm a "good" character, sometimes "bad." Unlike the president, I have never voted present. I don't much care whether people view me as "good" or "bad." Let's face it, I won't even remember their names when the project is over.
To me, most temps are just there. It's why I don't bother to remember their names, if I even bother to learn them. Sometimes, I give them nicknames that endure, but that's usually because they are "bad" characters. Sometimes it's because they are memorable, but not for reasons they might choose. Think Headphones Boy, or Moby and the hobo. (I still think Moby and the Hoboes is a great name for a band.) Sometimes, though, I give nicknames that endure to people I actually like.
Which brings us to Betsy Ross. As the title of this post implies, we're not talking about the historical Betsy Ross, and I am passing no judgment on whether this particular Betsy Ross had anything to do with the design of the original American flag. I am fairly confident she's too young to have had a hand in that.
A strange, wandering and impossible-to-replicate conversation one night on this project revealed that Betsy, whose name is not Betsy, is eligible to join the Daughters of the American Revolution. And was interested in doing so once a me-guided conversation revealed that fact. (I was talking about the Society of the Cincinnati -- look it up -- which led us to the DAR and the Colonial Dames -- look that up, too. What am I, your mother?) Anyway, once she expressed interest in the DAR, she became Betsy Ross. She's new to Temp Town, and it is tempting to abuse the shit out of her. I think not, though. Even though she's a Yankee. In the Temp Town hierarchy, she's definitely not one of the bad guys, and she doesn't seem to be "just there." That really leaves only one choice. Like a lot of people I met, I hope she isn't in Temp Town long, although not for my sake. Temp Town if full of people who deserve to be there. It also is full of people you really hope escape. Some of them actually can.
