Yeah, it's another stupid traffic post

For months now, Sweden has been No. 10 on the all-time visitors list, even though it has been several years since anyone from Sweden came by. I have occasionally prodded the United Kingdom to send more visitors my way, since the UK used to be kind of high up in the Top 10. Anyway, to no avail. Last week, Romania roared out of nowhere with nearly a thousand visitors in one day and took over the 10th spot on the all-time list. While I am grateful for the visits, I suspect they were looking for porn, as I include just enough language in my posts referring to porn, pron, pr0n, and how I don't post pictures of naked women so that search bots looking for porn sometimes come by here. Hey, traffic is traffic. Still, I kind of hope the UK will step up and overtake Romania, mostly because I like seeing them on the top 10 list. Also, I cannot help but note that Denmark continues to close in on Germany for the No. 3 spot, France is charging hard and threatening to overtake Denmark for the No. 4 spot. I mention this only so that my Denmark readers can take note and step up their game. Just sayin'.

Denmark is closing in on Germany, but . . .

For several years, tiny Denmark has been closing in on much larger Germany in the total visitors count. That trend continues, and I could see Denmark passing Germany in the next year or so if trends continue. On the other hand, France, also much larger than Denmark, has been surging in recent months and is now much closer to Denmark than it has been in I don't know how long. My advice to Denmark is to kick it into gear. Just sayin'. Maybe a little advice on what Denmark should do to France:



Hit it, Denmark.

Germany is looking over its shoulder

Germany, with nearly 83 million residents, is number three on the list of most frequent visitors to Eff You, behind the U.S. and Russia. Naturally, virtually all of the Russian visitors are looking for porn or some way to steal other people's money. I have no money, but I throw in things like "hot naked Russian babes" every now and then to draw in the traffic that is looking for porn. Traffic is traffic, after all.

But Germany's hold on third place is getting a little shaky. Slowly but surely, Denmark, with less than 6 million residents, is closing in on the Teutonic juggernaut. Still a ways behind, but Denmark is closing the gap. If this blog goes on long enough, Denmark will take over the No. 3 spot.

Of course, my European correspondent lives in Denmark (haven't heard from him in a while -- hint, hint) but that can't explain the traffic we're seeing from Denmark. I guess the Danes know quality when they see it? Quality what? Damned if I know.

Could the Faroes (gasp!) pull away from Denmark?

According to one Agence France Presse story, apparently, there is strong sentiment in the Faroe Islands to become independent of Denmark after 600 years of admittedly loose Danish rule. I guess it's understandable -- the islands are nearly 700 miles northwest of the Danish capitol, Copenhagen, and since 1948 they've had their own flag and governing institutions. Of course, they have their own culture and language which long predate Danish rule.

Hey, they're Vikings, damn it, and Vikings aren't ruled, they rule! And rape, pillage, and plunder, but that kind of stuff seems to be well in the past. But these days, all Denmark controls is defense of the islands, as well as some aspects of foreign policy, monetary policy, and judicial policy. AFP is a little vague on what all that means.

Apparently, the economy in the Faroes is doing well, based mostly on tourism, fishing, and agriculture. Unemployment is close to zero. I wonder how much that has to do with damn few people living there.

Haven't seen anything on how the Danes feel about the Faroes pulling away. Maybe they don't care. Perhaps my European correspondent, who is Danish, will chime in with a post (hint, hint).

Traffic comment

Eff You topped 200,000 visits a little while ago, but the top 10 visiting countries hasn't changed much in the last couple years. Sweden bumped the U.K. out of the number 10 spot a couple years ago, and since then, no changes have taken place.

Not in the order, anyway. The top five remain U.S., Russia, Germany, Denmark and France. But in the last year or so, Denmark has pulled closer to Germany -- about 2,500 visits behind now, rather than the 3,000 visits Denmark was behind Germany at about this time last year. Denmark also has opened the gap between itself and France. The French, of course, are cheese-eating surrender monkeys, so it doesn't surprise me to see them losing. But Denmark is kicking ass.

I suppose the fact that my European correspondent is Danish has a little to do with this, but there are clearly other Danes involved in the effort. Still looking for more content from my European correspondent, by the way (nudge, nudge, wink, wink). Anyway, tiny Denmark, land of exploding wind turbines, rocks. They haven't been this dominant since they took over England in 1013.

I guess the whole point of blitzkrieg is you don't see it coming -- and I didn't

Blitzkrieg, of course, is the German strategy of "lightning war" developed for World War II involving an extremely rapid, unexpected attack. Worked pretty well for a while there. Anyway, Germany just launched a traffic blitzkrieg on me, at least by his blog's standards. This is not a high-traffic blog. But today I got almost as many visitors from Germany as I normally get total in a month. Obviously, some kind of computer bots are involved, as I have no indications they were looking for anything in particular. Nonetheless, the traffic pushed all-time blog traffic past 120,000 visitors today, a milestone worth noting.

It also is worth noting that Denmark, which was steadily creeping up on Germany for the No. 3 spot on the list of all-time visitors, has been blown out of the water by this unexpected surge. In the absence of a major recruiting effort by my Denmark readers, I think Germany is safe at No. 3 for the foreseeable future.

Denmark and the euro

A while back, I asked a Denmark reader about an article I had read that suggested Denmark should ditch the euro. This is his response:

The Euro is great for free-loaders such as Greece, Spain and other lazy buggars. Why we fix our currency to that of southern free-loaders is behind my comprehension. I say: Let sink what cannot float! Let's ditch the euro!
I have no idea how other Danes think, though... Most people don't care about EU stuff.

So there you have it.

Aaaaaaaand here comes Denmark on the outside!

If this is a horse race, Denmark is Seabiscuit, an underdog if ever there was one. And yet, after falling more than 200 visits behind France in recent months, Denmark is now only 9 visits down. Further, the Danes are slowly but surely closing in on the third-place Germans, despite Germany's obvious numerical advantage. Other than the Danish bright spot, traffic this month is in the toilet. Um, tell your friends to drop by, mmmmm-kay?

Seems like a strange way to arm your armed forces

What the fuck is Denmark thinking? Denmark has a Home Guard, kind of like the U.S. National Guard, except the Danes (like the Swiss) issue these folks weapons, which they keep in their homes to facilitate rapid response. OK, so far, fine. But now Denmark is in effect disarming their Home Guard:

Some 4,300 volunteer members of the Danish Home Guard are being told to disassemble their rifles in light of the fact that one of the weapons used in February's shootings in Copenhagen was a stolen military rifle.
One of the weapons used in February’s terror attack in Copenhagen was an M95 rifle that had previously been stolen from the home of a Danish Home Guard (Hjemmeværnet) member.
As a result, the Home Guard has now decided that it will temporarily require all Home Guard members to turn in the bolts to their rifles, making them unable to be fired.

So now 4,000 members of Denmark's military have what amount to clubs. The M95 looks an awful lot like the M16 and I suspect it is a license-made copy of that US rifle. Because somebody managed to steal one, everybody in the Guard gets disarmed? I don't see how that makes sense. The Home Guard presumably has weapons in their immediate possession for a reason. By essentially taking those weapons out of the Home Guard's possession -- no bolt, no bang -- the Home Guard can no longer respond in a timely fashion to an emergency that requires them to be armed. I am led to understand that they mostly respond to disaster relief and non-combat stuff like that, but I have to believe they were given rifles for a reason. Is that reason gone? Help me out here, Danish readers.

Denmark throws gauntlet at Russia's feet in Arctic grudge match

OK, that might be overstating things just a little bit, but having recently bitch-slapped Canada in numbers of visits to Eff You, Denmark apparently is feeling a little chesty. The smallish Northern European country apparently has some big ambitions. But when Queen Margrethe II wants something, then by God her minions better hop to it, and they are:

COPENHAGEN, Denmark (AP) — Scientific data shows Greenland's continental shelf is connected to a ridge beneath the Arctic Ocean, giving Danes a claim to the North Pole and any potential energy resources beneath it, Denmark's foreign minister said.
Foreign Minister Martin Lidegaard said Denmark will deliver a claim on Monday to a United Nations panel in New York that will eventually decide control of the area, which Russia and Canada are also coveting.

The BBC is reporting that Denmark did, indeed, file its claim with the UN today:

Denmark has presented a claim to the UN, arguing that the area surrounding the North Pole is connected to the continental shelf of Greenland, a Danish autonomous territory.
Foreign Minister Martin Lidegaard said it was a "historic and important milestone" for Denmark.
Canada and Russia have already asserted their own sovereignty over the energy-rich Arctic territory.

I'm a little amused at the rationale for all this interest. The area under the Arctic Sea is believed to contain 13 percent of the world's undiscovered and recoverable resources. That's enough to warrant a claim on controlling those resources, but there may be some pie-in-the-sky reasoning at work:

Interest in the Arctic is intensifying as global warming shrinks the polar ice, opening up possible resource development and new shipping lanes.

The polar ice cap isn't shrinking -- it has been growing annually ever since a dip several years ago.

Also, as Ace points out, going toe-to-toe with Russia might not be wise -- Denmark's military is not exactly feared the world over. Vlad "Shirts are for the weak" Putin doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who gives a shit what the UN says. He seems more likely to take what he wants and dare the world to stop him -- like in Ukraine. Denmark is not intimidated, though:

Jon Rahbek-Clemmensen of Denmark's Syddansk University said the government in Copenhagen had staked its claim, partly to show the world that Denmark could not be pushed about, but also to prove a political point to the people of Greenland.
"There's a strong push for independence in Greenland, and Denmark wants to show it's capable of taking its interest into account," he told the BBC.

Go, Denmark. Poke that bear.

God, I hate the French

Which makes it doubly disturbing that they are such frequent visitors to Eff You, since that means I have to welcome them, because that is what bloggers do for sources of traffic. All traffic is good. Having said that, what a revolting development -- an inexplicable surge from France has vaulted the cheese-eating surrender monkeys past Denmark into fourth place on the all-time visitors list, behind only the U.S., Russia and Germany. On the one hand, welcome to all my French visitors over the last 24 hours or so. On the other hand, come on, Denmark, kick some frog-eater ass.

Did I mention that Denmark is creeping up on Germany?

It's true. On the other hand, at this rate, it could take a couple years unless the Danes really get busy. Let's face it -- there are a lot of fucking Germans, and a decent number of them stumble by here, probably searching for porn. Having used the words "porn" and "fucking," I probably can expect a spike in traffic from Germany. Sorry about that, Denmark.

I don't know what to make of this

Freaking China has bumped the UK out of the top 10 of all-time visitors. Sure, there's a billion people in China, but the UK has been a top 10 visitor source from Day One. Wow. On the other hand, Denmark is sneaking up on Germany for the No. 3 spot. Probably only take them about three years to catch up at this rate, barring a massive explosion of Eff You popularity in Denmark.

Denmark to Canada: Mama said knock you out

Tiny Denmark surpassed mighty Canada on the all-time visitors' list just a few minutes ago. The land of Hamlet and marauding Vikings is now No. 4. Thanks to all the Danes who keep coming by. Keep it up! Next up: No. 3 Germany (that one could take a while). In the meantime, congratulations to Denmark.

Gotta do what Mama says.

Just a boring traffic post

Probably the biggest traffic milestone ever for Eff You is coming up in the next day or two -- sometime this week, I will get my 100,000th visitor. Send all your friends by so I can mark the event sooner rather than later. Of less blog-wide significance but at least as important to our Danish readers, Denmark is six visits away from passing Canada for No. 4 on the all-time list.

The Vikings are descending on Canada

Canada's once-insurmountable lead over Denmark on the all-time visitors list -- I mean seriously insurmountable, like 600 or 700 visits -- has dwindled to 20. While it is clear that Denmark will surpass Canada soon, what is not clear is whether they will salt the Canadians' fields, sell their children into slavery and take the Canadians' women for their own. I'm not sure how well that stuff floats in the modern world. Also, I think Canada and Denmark are otherwise on pretty good terms. Not sure how bad they want to mix it up over their relative positions on the Eff You all-time visitors list. Anyway, looks like Denmark is about to become No. 4. No. 3 Germany claims not to be nervous. Study your history, people. Denmark is rising once again.

It would appear we have at least one happy Danish reader out there

When Denmark surpassed Sweden on the Eff You all-time visitors list, there apparently was much rejoicing in the land of Hamlet. One of our Danish readers posted a poem in the comments. In Danish, naturally:

Kong Kristian stod ved højen mast i røg og damp; hans værge hamrede så fast, at gotens hjelm og hjerne brast. Da sank hvert fjendtligt spejl og mast i røg og damp. Fly, skreg de, fly, hvad flygte kan! hvo står for Danmarks Kristian i kamp?

Thank goodness for Google Translate, right? I had to tweek the second-to-last line, as Google Translate wanted it to read "Fly, screamed, airplanes, what can escape!" I figured that probably wasn't right, so I took a shot in the dark. The Danes can let me know how I did:

King Christian stood by the lofty mast
In mist and smoke;
His sword was hammering so fast,
Through Gothic helm and brain.
Then sank each hostile hulk and mast
In mist and smoke.
Fly, he screamed, fly, what can escape!
Who is responsible for Denmark's Kristian
in battle?

Sounds like a nice martial cultural reference in celebration of opening up a can of whoop ass on the Swedes.  We so damn multicultural here.

BOOM! Denmark kicks Sweden's ass. Canada next.

Today Denmark surged past Sweden to move into fifth place on the all-time Eff You visitors list, and is rapidly closing in on Canada to claim fourth place. Eff You's readership in Denmark apparently is very loyal. Sweden, which used to be in second place behind the U.S. in the early days of this blog, seems to have lost interest once the Swedes figured out that, despite the profligate use on this blog of terms such as "porn," "pr0n" and "fuck," there is no actual porn on Eff You. Sure, I've posted some pictures of scantily clad hot babes now and then, but there was always a greater purpose behind those posts. Never was I merely trolling for traffic. Except when I was. Anyway, congratulations to Denmark on passing Sweden. Look out, Canada! There's a bunch of Vikings on your ass!

Cool discovery of Viking fort in Denmark leads to post giving TMI about the evolution of fort design

Because my readers in Denmark have been so aggressive lately and now are only a few dozen visits behind Sweden on the all-time visits list, I figured I would share this story, which I find fascinating:

Archaeologists in Denmark have discovered a distinctive ring-shaped Viking fortress which historians believe may have been used to launch an invasion of England.
The fortress found on the Danish island of Zealand, around 30 miles south of Copenhagen, is the fifth circular fortress to be unearthed, and the first in over 60 years.

Apparently these ring fortresses, built in around the late 900s, are scattered all over Denmark. They are

thought to date back to the late tenth century and the reign of Harald Bluetooth, the king who Christianised Denmark and Norway. However, some historians contend the fortresses were constructed by his son Sweyn Forkbeard, the first Danish King of England, as a military training camp or barracks from which to launch his invasions of England. Sweyn Forkbeard seized London in 1013 and was declared King of England on Christmas Day of that year.

Not much has been excavated of the newest discovery, but at least one of the other four ring fortresses previously discovered has been restored:

I don't know which one is pictured here, but the four previously discovered fortresses are located in Aggersborg and Fyrkat in northern Jutland, and Nonnebakken near Odense. Yeah, that doesn't mean much to me, either. Perhaps the Danes will check in with some enlightened commentary. I just dig historical shit like this and found it fascinating. Frankly, circular is a shitty design for a fort -- there are no mutually supporting positions on a circle. Once an enemy was up against the wall, there was no way to get rid of him except to hang over the top, exposing the defender to enemy fire. Compare that to this design, popular about 400 years later:

 This is a plan for what has been called Fort Raleigh, built in 1585 on Roanoke Island, North Carolina, by soldiers sent by Sir Walter Raleigh as an advance party for what became the Lost Colony. Google it -- I really don't feel up to explaining. Anyway, the fort was located by archaeologists and reconstructed about 80 years ago. Note the use of bastions to enable defenders to target attackers who had reached the wall. Defenders could aim along the wall to their left or right along the wall without exposing themselves to enemy fire. It looks kind of like this (couldn't find an aerial shot):

This method of using bastions continued for as long as forts were viable as a means of defense (rifled artillery rendered masonry forts obsolete about the time of the U.S. War Between the States). However, note that Fort McHenry, in Baltimore, which was the site of the battle that inspired Francis Scott Key to write the "Star Spangled Banner" during the War of 1812 between the United States and the United Kingdom, similarly used bastions, but these were placed at the corners rather than in the middle of the walls, as with Fort Raleigh:

as did the so-called Third System forts in the United States, built in the 1820s through the 1860s, such as Fort Pickens, built to defend Pensacola, Florida:

Obviously, one corner of the fort seems to have been blown off. It seems that way because it was. Sometime in the 1890s, I think, a gunpowder magazine in the now-missing bastion exploded, blowing away a pretty good chunk of the fort. Supposedly, the explosion was set off by the cigar of a soldier who was involved in a card game in the magazine. Don't know if that is true, but it makes a great story. When I lived in the area, we used to sneak into the fort at night and drink beer on the ramparts and look at the stars, among other things. There is a strong possibility that some of the folks with whom I used to drink beer on the ramparts might have picked up a stray brick or two left over from the magazine explosion. Back then, they were all over the place. I went back a couple years ago, and didn't see any bricks around. The Park Service must have cleaned up, finally.

Anyway, the point of this digression is that circular forts suck. Sweyn Forkbeard might have conquered England, but his guys only held it until 1066, when William of Normandy came over and kicked their circular-fort-building asses. William might have known fuck-all about bastions, but he obviously was not intimidated by circular forts. Nonetheless, I find 1,000-year-old forts, circular or otherwise, to be pretty fascinating. Sorry if you didn't. And yes, I chose the non-Viking forts discussed here because I have spent a lot of time prowling the grounds of and studying all three of those forts. Sue me for being biased.

A boring traffic post with a twist -- horse race!

Only once before have I used a traffic post to set up a competition, and that was only because I hate the French. Well, time to do it again. Since passing France on the all-time list of most-frequent visitors to Eff You, Denmark has been widening its lead. I cannot help but notice that Sweden, once the No. 2 source of visitors  to Eff You, has been lollygagging, and Denmark is poised to pass the Swedes, as well. I supposed if folks in Denmark were motivated and banded together, they could continue to surge in the rankings. Not sure how many people in Denmark care, of course. But the Swedes, I think, are no longer fooled by my promises of pr0n, naked wimmen and such. They are ripe for defeat.  Just sayin'.