Tuesday, September 5, 2017

I was thinking about The Rules today

The main rule I was thinking about was No. 3 -- every project ends tomorrow. Normally that is a caution to people who get too comfortable on a project that seems to be going for a long time, but I think that is literally true for me. Tomorrow is probably it. Maybe Thursday, which would be nice. Yeah, I'm looking for new stuff, but that's not the point. I have gathered together all of The Rules, which previously were apparently in at least three different places. So here are all The Rules for life in TempTown, at least as they now stand. Remember, The Rules expand. They never contract. Here is what we have now:
Rule No. 1: They're lying.
Rule No. 2: Take any overtime offered, because They will take it away.
Rule No. 3: Every project ends tomorrow.
Rule No. 4: At some point during every project, They will raise false hope.
First corollary to Rule No. 4: Probably repeatedly.
Second corollary to Rule No. 4: And your hopes will be dashed.
Third corollary to Rule No. 4: Mercilessly.
Which means that Rule No. 4 in full reads, At some point during every project, They will raise false hope, probably repeatedly, and your hopes will be dashed mercilessly. Got it?
Rule No. 5: Click slow, work long.
Rule No. 6: Remember, They're lying.
Rule No. 7: Do whatever you have to do to get a good seat. Your seat is all you have as a temp.
Corrollary to Rule No. 7: If your seat is where someone from the firm will notice you, it isn't a good seat.
Rule No. 8: The firms believe temps will steal the silver given half a chance and treat you accordingly.
Corrollary to Rule No. 8: Behavior by at least some temps largely justifies this belief.
Rule No. 9: Don't agonize over responsiveness calls. The document is or is not responsive -- you have a 50-50 chance of getting it right. If it might be responsive, put it in. Otherwise, put it out and move on. Low numbers are death.
Rule No. 10: Definitely don't agonize over privilege calls. If you think it might be privileged, mark it privileged. Nobody ever got fired for over-privving, but lots of people have been fired for letting a single privileged document get through.
No. 11: On every project there will be at least one person who looks like there is absolutely no way he does not have a freezer filled with the heads of young women.
I'm sure I will come up with more rules at some point, but I thought it was worthwhile to get all of them into a single post.

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