Another document review haiku

My project has long outlasted expectations. It has overtime and a good rate, so there is no reason to complain there. On the other hand, I have passed on countless projects that could have been my next landing place. How long can I do that?

Project keeps going
No reason to complain there
But when will it end?

Just another document review haiku

Good news the other day, inspiring this haiku:

Project extended
Breathing new life into job
Life is good for now

Or two:

Hey, what can I say?
Always happy when we get
Unexpected good news

Of course, in Temp Town, all good news is unexpected. On Friday, the agency sent doughnuts. Doughnuts, like the Pizza of Doom, are generally considered to be a bad sign. Fortunately, this time it wasn't the case. We got the news of the extension before we got the doughnuts, so we knew that, sometimes, a doughnut is just a doughnut.

Document review haiku number whatever

This project is winding down. There is a lot of work out there, but not much overtime, so I have only been applying to overtime projects. No luck so far. Is this the right approach? I feel a haiku coming on:

Projects keep posting
Am I wrong to ignore them?
Only time will tell.

Or maybe two:

Project nearing end
Should I take shitty project?
I don't fucking know.

Thanks, I'll be here all week.

A document review haiku

The project I am on, which is good but not great, has been going for about two-and-a-half months. Not bad. But it's the middle of summer -- the worst time of year to have a project end in Temp Town -- and no one is sure how much longer this project has left in it. Is the swordfish sick, or strong?

Project ending soon?
Nobody knows anything.
Uncertainty kills.

Big project ramping up next week. Everyone is applying. Is that the right thing to do, if this project keeps going? Read the haiku again.

A new document review haiku

Started a new gig last week after a very short gig that followed a gig that had a decent run but ended far earlier than expected. Get all that?

Anyway, the new gig is mostly folks I don't know, but a couple good people on it. The rest, meh. The room we're in is crowded and the air conditioning seems to be non-functional. It's hot as hell, and summer is coming. But our latest addition to the document review haiku pantheon is about what really matters:

I've got a new gig
Moderate overtime but
Fucking awesome rate.

Winner, winner, chicken dinner

I recently issued challenges here and here for readers to submit in the comments section haikus about document review or pretty much anything else, and promised to elevate any haikus submitted to a post. Well, we have our first entrant.

This one if from a document review temp, obviously. Hell, I think I was on this project:

Placed in basement
with leaden walls and Flourine
life is pretty good

I feel you, man. Keep 'em coming, people. And remember, we're not limited to document review haikus. Any workplace haiku is fine.

Sometimes stuff just happens -- so write a haiku about it

So, the other day, in what has become an increasingly rare event, I put up a post about document review haikus, challenging readers to post their own document review haiku in the comments. Obviously, such a post would only appeal to temps, and while temps are a part of the audience, they likely are far outnumbered by spambots searching for porn. But I digress.

The haiku post led to a discussion in my room at work that yielded a sentence that, in about 30 seconds -- a new land speed record -- led to this document review haiku:

Can't believe this shit
Some fuckers priv everything
It boggles the mind.

Obviously, this project involves determining whether documents are protected under attorney-client or some other privilege. Most people have no basis upon which to write a haiku about this process, or any other aspect of document review, for that matter. Accordingly, I am inviting the readership of Eff You to write a haiku about whatever. Just put it in the comments, and all haikus will be promoted to post status. Especially the dirty ones. Write it.

A document review haiku!

This project, which I thought was dying, refuses to do so. I think the swordfish is moderately healthy. God knows why. This thing has gone on much too long. Normally, I would not say that -- long is good, not bad -- but this project hits some sore spots, I guess. Lots of petty tyranny, and Jesus H. is it boring. So without further ado, a haiku:

This project won't end
Boring me to fucking death
Beats no job, I guess

Must be time for a document review haiku

Or two, even. Time feels right:

Attorneys from firms
Stalking the halls constantly
Much like evil clowns.

Very heavy supervisory presence from the firms handling the case, which is typical of these firms when working for his client (yeah, I've worked projects for this company before). Never worked for this agency before, so there is lots more coming on that, but first, another haiku:

Nastiest bathroom
on any project ever.
Hope I can hold it.

Killer hours have been keeping me from posting. Blogging behind enemy lines right now, so I hope to make up for lost time.

Another document review haiku

Still no work, still no overtime, still no idea when this will end. Must be time for a haiku:

Near fatal boredom.
We are still idle, no OT.
How long will this last?

Hey, time for some haikus

I mean, why not? It hardly counts as blogging behind enemy lines if the enemy lets you do whatever you want. But never forget Rule No. 4. Nothing good lasts forever, especially in Temp Town. So, without further ado:

Christmas coming soon.
Workplace extremely cheerless,
So let's watch Die Hard.

Still no work for us
But we still have overtime
So that's pretty cool.

Swordfish looking good
Like healthy competitor
Or swimming zombie.

I guess we'll be back
doing squat again next week
Merry Christmas, y'all.

Some (non) document review haikus

As we have no work to do but are still on the clock, you might think being paid (overtime, at that) to surf the internet would be pretty good, right? Man, the boredom is killer. And for some reason, the firm is making noises about working Sunday. Not Saturday, just Sunday. These people must hate the NFL. Anyway, I am moved to engage in the ancient poetic art form known as haiku:

Toughest part of job
Killing 10 hours, idly
Sit on thumb and spin. 

Absolutely no
Documents for us to code
We review the web

Imagine horror
Discovering internet
Ends at a brick wall

I got a million of 'em, folks.

And another document review haiku

Blogging from behind
enemy lines most unsafe
but satisfying.

Document review haiku, again

Don't know what number this is, but this latest haiku addresses the workplace problems that arise from the combination of boring work and weeknight NFL games:

Packers triumphant
Desperately need a nap
Maybe tomorrow.

Unemployment Haiku No. 2

Best read in order, or this makes less sense:

Rob a liquor store?
Presents a real dilemma:
Take money or beer?

Unemployment haiku

Can't really call it a document review haiku, on account of I ain't reviewing any documents right now, at least not for money. So Unemployment Haiku it is:

On my butt at home
Destitution not far off
Rob a liquor store?

Another document review haiku

I have a lot of irons in the fire, next-job-wise, but I am hearing crickets. Makes for a document review haiku, I guess.

Here I sit at home
Hoping to find work soon but
Thinking I am fucked.

Document review haiku

There currently is nothing for us to review -- I believe we'll be switching to something else soon, but not yet apparently -- which is leading to speculation that this swordfish might be on the deck by the end of the day. I don't think so, but such talk has inspired me to pen the following Document Review Haiku:

Sitting on my ass
Patiently waiting for work
Or unemployment.

Combining haiku and porn

Alas, I am on the privilege team, which means I am drafting privilege log entries based on the privilege coding of all the other people on the project. Naturally, most of them are wrong. Today, roughly half of the "privileged" documents I looked at weren't. The bad part is, I can't throw a document out on my own authority. I have to ask a firm attorney. I was 43 for 44 today, but I still have to ask whether the pinhead who claimed privilege over something at the first level was right, even though it is clear he was wrong. Whatever.

So I have a haiku for you. I need to drive traffic, I failed to post yesterday, so I need to pander to the audience. I think this works:

Frustrating project.
Privilege logging sucks ass.
Did I mention porn?

Dig it, people.

Another document review haiku

My new gig, bad hours and all, is a bizarre mix of good and bad. Sure, I have to come in five days a week, peak rush hour both ways, and the work is deadly boring, but it always is, so there's that. It's at the firm, which is always bad, but I have my own office -- no door, alas -- and internet access, which is how I am posting behind enemy lines. Only a two-person project, and the other guy is someone I don't know and he has his own office, too, so I just sit in here, headphones on, coding away. Naturally, this makes me feel poetic:

Got my own office
Bored out of my freaking skull
Miss other temps? Nah.