Sunday, April 7, 2013

Could they be this devious?

I'm pretty sure there's a plot afoot at work to keep us from using even approved means of accessing the internet. As is usually the case on a project where internet access is not allowed at individual terminals, there is a computer for the project that has internet access. On this project -- although there are three internet terminals in the agency's "internet cafe," which does not serve pastries and really doesn't deserve the name --there is only one internet terminal in the project work rooms. Naturally, if you use that terminal, the project managers know you're fucking off. Nobody minds fucking off, but even temps don't want the boss men to know flat out that they're fucking off, and for how long. So that tends to discourage use all by itself.
But the project managers won't rely on pressure alone to keep people away from the internet terminal. I can't prove this was intentional, but it seems too diabolical to be a coincidence. The woman who sits next to the internet terminal wears a powerful perfume that I am pretty sure is called "Human Repellent by Chanel" or some such shit. It might be bear repellent. I don't know what it would smell like dissolved in water, but I'll bet it would be a great shark repellent, too. The point is, fucking nobody can sit at that terminal for more than a minute or two without becoming light-headed and nauseous.  Believe me, I've tried.

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