Please, step away from the phone

Smart phones doubtless will be the death of Western society as we know it. All these people wandering around, eyes glued to their smart phone as they do whatever it is that can't wait until they stop walking, are going to be killed, either in traffic or by me. Mostly in traffic, probably, but I'm about ready to start claiming my fair share. And then once they sit down, they get to doing all the stuff on their smart phone that they decided could wait until they weren't walking anymore. Probably Angry Birds, Words with Friends, or something equally vital.

While we eagerly await those deaths, though, it is becoming clear that what we have lacked in our modern vocabulary has been a word -- a single word, not "wandering-around-eyes-glued-to-your-smart-phone-running-into-people-because-apparently-you-can't-stop-doing-something-meaningless," which is way too long for common usage -- to describe this behavior. Until now.

And that word is "phonesturbation." So, if you are a phonesturbator who is constantly walking around phonesturbating, you might want to lift your eyes from the screen and pay attention to where you're going. It might not make you go blind, or grow hair on your palms. But it might.