Bad news, folks -- Bieber is staying

Despite the clamoring pleas of a nation desperate for relief from this affliction, the Obama administration has refused to heed the cries for mercy coming from the citizenry. In yet another example of how Obama and his minions refuse to consider the concerns of millions of Americans, the Obama administration, in violation of its own policy, has declined to act on a petition to deport Justin Bieber. The White House, despite 250,000 signatures on the petition at whitehouse.gov -- even with a policy of responding to petitions that get 100,000 signatures -- declined to comment, instead issuing a statement on how what a wonderful world this would be if we could just give amnesty to everybody in the country illegally. And thus are dashed the hopes of millions who hoped to be rid of the one-man crime spree that is Justin Bieber. Not to mention unmitigated douchebag and launching platform of seriously dorky hairstyles.

The following is the Obama administration's statement to and about illegal immigrants and criminal dickwads like Bieber who should be kicked out:

"Don't know much." Ain't that the damn truth.