Excuse me, sir, can I offer you a little insult with that injury? And would you like fries with that?

Employer-provided benefits are few and far between in Temp Town. Time used to be that every agency had some kind of hours/production bonus system, and almost all had some kind of holiday-pay scheme. For some, you got 8 hours paid time for a holiday; other agencies would pay time-and-half if you worked on a holiday. The agency for which I currently am working used to offer paid holidays -- eight of them, back in the good old days. A few years ago they cut that to about five, and a couple years ago they cut it to three: New Year's Day, Independence Day and Thanksgiving. That's right -- Christmas was not a paid holiday. Pretty much the only holiday you are ever guaranteed your project will not be working. Whatevs. I understand cost-cutting. The industry is dealing with thinner and thinner margins. Got to cut costs where you can.

Having said that, agencies probably should try to cut costs in a way that is a little less, um, insulting. We got an email on my project today from the agency forwarding a memo from the corporate HR director. The email studiously took no ownership of the memo, stating: "We've heard from our corporate office in re: the holiday pay policy for next year.  They've requested we circulate the attached memo."

Having read the memo, I can see why they didn't want to claim any ownership. Less than two weeks from when folks on this project expected to get a paid holiday, corporate pulled the rug out from under us:

Effective January 1, 2014, [the agency I am working for] will no longer offer paid holiday benefits to seasonal, hourly, contract and part-time employees. Paid holiday benefits will be offered for full-time, exempt salaried employees only. This change amends the current Holiday Pay Policy in the Employee Handbook, which previously recognized three (3) paid holidays for eligible employees in 2013.

Obviously, the firm has the right to cut off paid holidays for whomever it pleases. Was there any reason, though, to tell us in a memo addressed only to "seasonal, hourly, contract and part-time employees" that "[p]aid holiday benefits will be offered for full-time, exempt salaried employees only."? This seems like rubbing salt in the wound. First, they let us know that the paid holiday many folks had already factored into their short-term budgeting would not be happening. And then they said, hey, don't worry, the 40-hours-a-week salaried folks in the office you work in will still get paid holidays, but you don't-work-don't-get-paid guys can suck it. Good morale builder.

Temp Town being what it is, of course, they didn't stop there. They wanted to let us know that if we could work, we could get paid:

While there will no longer be paid Holiday benefits for seasonal , hourly, contract and part-time
employees, those employees may be eligible to work on Holidays at their normal rate of pay.
The ability to work on Holidays will be determined on a per-project basis, dependent upon
individual Client holiday policies and schedules.

No shit, Sherlock. Of course we get paid if we work. The whole point of holiday pay is we aren't allowed to work, but the company gives us a benefit and pays us for some of what we missed.  Our paid holidays had already been reduced to the holidays our clients, the law firms, simply do not work and, for that matter, beyond -- no one works on Christmas. So the agency let us know that we could still get paid on holidays if we worked -- duh -- but, of course, we will not ever be working on those holidays we used to would have been paid for had we not worked. Get it? We can still make up for the benefit we've lost by working the holiday, but we will never be allowed to work on the particular holidays to which the benefit applied. So suck it.

Not content with those insults, the agency -- or at least its corporate parent -- decided that one more shiv in the back was called for. This particular shanking took the form of one of the most popular lies in Temp Town:

[The agency I'm working for] appreciates the dedication and contribution of all of its employees, both contract and permanent. As such, we continuously evaluate the benefits offered to our staff and work to provide competitive benefits and recognition programs. While modifications and changes may occur, [the agency I am working for] continues to examine new incentive programs, employee benefits, and recognition opportunities for all employees.

Every temp knows we are not "valued." We are completely fungible. We are widgets that can be replaced by any other widget, at least in the eyes of the agencies. The worst slug of a temp, the guy who does the bare minimum to stay employed and puts no effort or thought into getting the document calls right, makes the same amount of money, can work the same hours and stay employed just as long as the most consciencious attorney in Temp Town. We are "valued" only as long as the client -- the law firm -- believes we are meeting that bare minimum standard. The agency doesn't care whether a temp is any good so long as the law firm doesn't fire him. So quit telling me I am valued.

But it is worse than that. The agency has the nuts to tell me that, having cut completely the last benefit it gives to temps that is not mandated by local law (we still get sick days, but don't even get me started on the restrictions they have placed on those) except for pizza every other week, it still "continues to examine new incentive programs, employee benefits, and recognition opportunities for all employees." No such programs, benefits or opportunities exist any more, and no agency I have worked for has introduced any such new programs, benefits or opportunities since I have been doing this kind of work. They all have cut their existing "incentive programs, employee benefits, and recognition opportunities" during that time, although the agency I am working for is the only one I know of that has cut all such benefits. I'm sure they're just ahead of the game a little, and the rest will follow. I don't expect this agency or any other to introduce any "new incentive programs, employee benefits, and recognition opportunities" now, soon or ever.

Which leaves us with this. You have to reduce costs and so you cut benefits to the people you know won't quit over it? Fine. Whatever. But don't pretend you are looking at "new incentive programs, employee benefits, and recognition opportunities." We know you aren't. It's Rule No. 1: they're lying.

So don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining.

There is one small moral victory in all of this. One temp on our project read the email, read the attached memo, saw that we were being screwed and that the company waited until the last minute to let us know we were being screwed, and did the only thing a temp could do under the circumstances.

He hit "Reply All" and sent to the agency and everybody on the project the following message:

By the way, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all.

Of this are legends made.