I really don't see how this helps her

The screaming libs at "Saturday Night Live" are huge Hillary Clinton fans, including Kate McKinnon, the , woman who plays her in their skits. That hasn't stopped the writers from being funny about Hillary!, nor has it stopped Schumer from putting on a brilliantly scathing portrayal of the Ice Queen from Chappaqua. McKinnon gives a spot-on impression of the most calculating, least human human since, well, ever. A sample:




I can't imagine Hillary! enjoys watching stuff like this. On the other hand, I can't imagine Hillary! enjoys anything. Still, if Mckinnon and the SNL writers keep this up, it could be a fairly amusing election season. Of course, with Hillary! displaying her vaunted political "skills," it probably will be a fairly amusing election season regardless.

Remember, the people Memorial Day honors aren't here to celebrate it

Enjoy your Memorial Day holiday, but remember the somber nature of the day -- we pause to honor those who gave everything in the defense of their country. As George Orwell famously never actually said: People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf. While the quote is often attributed to him (or sometimes to Winston Churchill) here is an excellent discourse on the origins of the quote. Hat tip to Ace for that.

The sentiment expressed remains true, regardless of who said it. Take a minute today, sometime between the hot dogs and the apple pie, to send up a prayer for those rough men and women:

And by the way, this guy is not one of those rough men. Nothing says sacrifice like a couple scoops of Cherry Garcia, right?

Father's Day is coming. Support the blog and get him some stuff

Or keep it for yourself. Just order it through the Amazon widget over on the right. OK?

Shop Amazon Fire Phone - Available Unlocked - Includes a Full Year of Prime - $179

You're going to want some dinner to go with that dessert, so how about some seafood porn?

Everybody likes scallops now and then, right? Sometimes, sea scallops are just so expensive that you feel like you can't go there, though. What's a girl to do? Fuckin' A, y'all -- bay scallops, the less-expensive, smaller but still-delicious cousin. Get a couple pounds of bay scallops:

Mix them up with some Old Bay:

 Toss them in a hot skillet with some butter and cut-up slices of bacon:

Man does not live by scallops alone, so fire up some corn on the cob or something, plus some limas or whatever:

A little cocktail sauce, and that dinner was so damn easy it's almost criminal:

Bon appetit.

Maybe I should do some dessert food porn

Made a pretty good dessert last weekend at the behest of Mrs. Wolves, who found the recipe somewhere. They called it a sherried cherry crisp. Whatever. Pretty easy, and very tasty.

You wil need 4 cups of fresh or frozen cherries, 1/3 cup of dry sherry or port wine, 1/2 cup of sugar, 1 or 2 tablespoons of flour, 1 tsp of grated orange peel (I did without this and it was fine), about 4 tablespoons of orange juice, 3/4 cups of flour, 1/2 cup of oatmeal, 1/2 cup of brown sugar, 1/2 tsp of salt, 1/2 tsp of vanilla and 1/3 cup of cold butter, cut into bits:

Yeah, not everything is there, I know. You get the idea. If you're using frozen cherries, as I did, let them thaw for about a half hour first:

While they are thawing, you can make the topping. Put the 3/4 cup of flour, the oats, brown sugar and salt in a bowl, and mix it up right. Sprinkle it with the vanilla, then mix in the cut-up butter until the mixture looks like coarse crumbs. Put that bitch aside for a minute:

For the filling, combine the cherries, sugar, the other flour, and the orange juice (plus the orange peel if you are inspired) and mix it up right, stirring in the sherry:

 Put that stuff in a casserole dish:

Top it with the topping mixture:

I assume, of course, that you have preheated the oven to 375. Of so, pop that sucker in until the filling is bubbling up and the topping is golden brown -- about 50 minutes:

Serve warm with whipped cream or something:

Pretty damn good. Bon appetit.

I plant, it rains. Questions?

Went to The Farm on Sunday and, once again, my special talent came into play. I put seeds in the ground, rain falls from the sky. It's simple and, this year at least, automatic.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Yes, farming occurred on Sunday. Planting was involved, as was harvesting, as things are growing quite nicely on The Farm. We will take things in their turn. First, of course, is the trip to The Farm, which Jeb the Wonder Dog enjoyed tremendously:

Got to The Farm and did a quick survey of the beds. The peas look good:

The radishes and lettuce look good:

The garlic looks good, but needs weeding:

The spinach looks good:

The onions look good:

The potatoes look good:

Both beds:

The carrots look good, too (I''m detecting a theme here):

And, yes, the beans look good:

So I weeded the garlic, which now looks even better:

Given how good things looked, I had to harvest some stuff. So I got some asparagus:

And I got some spinach:

Both were greeted with great joy at Chez Wolves. Of course, that was not all that needed to happen. We needed to plant our zucchini and squash, with which I had magnificent success in starting the plants:

Alas, this is where I needed to plant them. Yeah, needs tilling:

I tilled the shit out of that plot. For reasons probably related to alcohol-induced stupidity, I apparently deleted the pictures of the tilled plot. And of the planted plot, for that matter. Of course, I kept the picture of Farmer Tom putting up the rabbit fence:

Not to mention the picture of Farmer Tom watering some of the plants:

Mind you, because of my special ability, watering probably was unnecessary. It rained some Sunday night, and it rained a lot on Monday night. I plant, it rains. Clear?

Obviously, I need to do better in documenting our farming activities. I'll see what I can do. Next weekend,  the peppers go in the ground, as well as the cucumbers. That should be the last planting for a bit, but I guess we'll see.

This is such a chick flick, I can't believe I might go see it

Obviously, the Green Bay Packers are involved or I wouldn't even consider it. Here are a couple of clips of the Packers involved talking about their part in the movie "Pitch Perfect 2." I can't believe I'm pimping this:

There is a possibility I was drunk when I started putting this post together the other night. Right now, the first segment of the interview is second, the second segment is both first and third. For some reason, I can't delete the out-of-place second segment, which is actually first here, so please go to the second video, and then the third. Or the first, if you feel like it. Anyway, this shit is fucked up.

UPDATE: Fixed. Enjoy.

Walking Jeb the Wonder Dog, Deluge Edition

I got home tonight and, as usual, walked Jeb the Wonder Dog and Sadie the Auxiliary Back-up Dog. Sadie pooped, Jeb watched in amusement and peed. As usual. We got inside, and the heavens cut loose. Serious fucking rain. Jeb the Wonder Dog, maybe not too clear on what torrential rain sounds like, looked at me in expectation: My turn to drop the deuce, dude. Hard to argue with his logic, but I had no desire to go out into a frog-strangler, so I tended to other tasks that needed to be completed before I went to bed. JTWD, naturally, got in my way at every turn, reminding me that he really needed to do the doo, while STABUD got in my way at every turn reminding me that bacon is her birthright.

Eventually, it sounded as if the rain had slackened. Since JTWD and STABUD both had managed to con me out of some bacon (one of my tasks involved cooking bacon), it seemed like a good time to take JTWD on his walk.

Wow, what a shitty idea.

While the rain was no longer killing amphibians in low-lying areas, it was still fairly substantial. I quickly promised Jeb the Wonder Dog that we would head for home as soon as he did his business, regardless of where we were in our usual course. Little did I realize this would become a battle of wills.

I should have known. After all, in summer, Jeb cares not about the heat. In winter, under Arctic conditions when I am ready to die, Jeb is unmoved. Snow, ice, sleet, heat -- he doesn't care. Torrential rain -- yeah, whatever. He shook occasionally, but seemed to be in no hurry.

Ultimately, we didn't shorten the walk at all. By the time he finally duked, we were at a point in our usual walk that there was no way to take a shortcut home. So we didn't. I was drenched and miserable. He was drenched and gave exactly zero fucks.

Sometimes I hate that dog.

Can we all just accept that Emperor Barry is a dick?

Let's face it, his go-to move when someone disagrees with him is to either insult their intelligence or question their motives. Because the people who disagree with him usually are conservatives, this has not been a problem for the lamestream media, who always are happy to question the motives and/or intelligence of conservatives.

My, how things have changed. Our naked emperor has taken to using these tactics on his own party, and they are Shocked! Shocked! at his approach:

President Obama’s performance in pushing for approval of fast track legislation of the Trans Pacific Partnership trade deal, in which he’s allied with Republicans and has spent the last week castigating and insulting liberal Democrats, has been one of the most bizarre and ill-advised performances of his presidency.
I spent many years working for senior Democratic Senators such as Lloyd Bentsen and House Democratic leaders beginning with the legendary Speaker Tip O’Neill, and have never seen any president of either party insult so many members of his own party’s base and members of the House and Senate as Mr. Obama has in his weeks of tirades against liberals on trade.
In Mr. Obama’s speech at Nike last week, his comments to Matt Bai of Yahoo over the weekend, and White House press secretary Josh Earnest’s comments to reporters on Monday, Mr. Obama and his White House staff have repeated a string of personal insults directed against prominent liberal Democrats in Congress, liberal Democrats across the nation, organized labor, and leading public interest and environmental groups who share doubts about the TPP trade deal.

That's from the New York Observer, a liberal rag, not the New York Post, which is the only conservative voice north of the Hudson. Barry is actually taking fire from his own people and, as someone who always belittles people who disagree with him, he is perfectly willing to lay waste to his own party. I kind of like it, but Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.), a progressives favorite, might be less enamored of Emperor Barry's approach:

President Barack Obama's swing at liberal favorite Elizabeth Warren has stirred a controversy that may complicate the chances of a pan-Pacific trade pact and could make it harder for the White House to get its way in future legislative battles.
Facing stiff opposition to the trade deal from sections of his own Democratic Party, Obama launched a personalized criticism of Warren's efforts to lead the fight against giving the administration "fast-track" negotiating authority.
It was an approach that appeared to elevate the Democratic senator from Massachusetts, already a favorite of the party's left wing for her work on consumer protection and Wall Street reforms, and energize her supporters.
. . .
By stoking a personal battle with Warren, Obama risks making her a more dangerous rival in Congress, giving her more clout to push the president and 2016 Democratic presidential front-runner Hillary Clinton to the left on issues such as income inequality, minimum wage hikes and efforts to rein in Wall Street.

 Now fellow Democrats are critical of the president, not of Sen. Warren:

"The president miscalculated in making this about Elizabeth Warren, that backfired badly. It only served to raise awareness of the issue and drive people away from his position," said Chris Kofinis, a Democratic strategist who has worked with labor unions opposed to the pact.
"It never makes sense to make these kinds of issues personal," he said.
In the Yahoo interview, Obama said Warren's arguments "don't stand the test of fact and scrutiny."

Well, if Democrats are shocked that the president is an asshole who believes firmly in the politics of personal destruction by impugning the motives and intelligence of his opponents, they haven't been paying attention. They deserve the Captain Louis Renault Award:

I hope it keeps coming.

Boston jihadi asshole sentenced to finding out there aren't 72 virgins waiting for him

Yeah, I think Boston Marathon bomber is going to be pretty disappointed by what awaits him once his appeal are exhausted, but much to my surprise, a Boston jury sentenced marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev to death:

The verdict against Tsarnaev, who'll turn 22 in July, was announced by U.S. District Court Judge George A. O'Toole Jr.'s courtroom clerk Paul Lyness. Tsarnaev showed no emotion as the verdict was read.
Marathon bombing survivor Adrianne Haslet-Davis, who lost a third of her left leg in the bombing, told the Herald she's "happy with the verdict."
"My heart goes out to everyone in the survivor community and to the victims' families," she added. "It's still a lot to process right now."
Only three of the 12 jurors bought into the defense argument that Tsarnaev was influenced by his older brother Tamerlan. The jurors unanimously agreed that Tsarnaev showed no remorse for the marathon attack and its aftermath that killed four young people, maimed 17 and injured hundreds.
The jurors unanimously voted to put him to death for the week of terror.

I am surprised because it is amazing to me that in uber-liberal Boston they managed to get a 12-person jury where not a single juror was opposed to the death penalty under all circumstances. I'm not complaining, just surprised.

This doesn't make up for the losses suffered by the hundreds of victims of Tsarnaev and his brother, Dickbreath -- Dickbreath (not his real name) was killed in a shootout with police about a week after the bombing after killing an MIT police officer a few days before -- including the three people who died in the bombing and the MIT police officer, Sean Collier, who was killed trying to apprehend the duo. But it beats the shit out of nothing.

The best part, of course, is these were federal charges, in federal court. The federal government isn't good for much, but they tend to carry out the sentence in those few federal crimes that are punishable by death. Massachusetts doesn't even have a death penalty, so state court would have let this fuckhead keep breathing for 60 or 70 years at taxpayer expense.

I only see two downsides to this verdict. First, Dzhokhar -- pronounced "Joker," apparently -- knows it will take a decade or so to work through the appeals and finally carry out the sentence. A lot can happen in that time, so he'll be enjoying three hots and a cot for a while with all expenses paid by us. The other downer is that we don't handle the death penalty the way the Japanese do. There, you never know when your execution date is. They don't have the same kind of appeal system we do, where you can appeal multiple times. Once the high court decides there is no problem with your conviction, you go on death row. Officials can show up literally any fucking day, without notice, and say "Dude, time to go," and execute your worthless ass. Apparently, it is really a mind-fucking experience, because there seems to be no pattern. Some folks wait a long time to get toasted, others go quickly. All of them worry about it constantly.

I kind of like that. They should suffer.

Man, do I want a couple of these

I could take them with me on my morning commute, give a whole new meaning to "road rage." OK, maybe not, but this thing is pretty cool. After all, who doesn't want to have a kamikaze drone lying around, ready to use:



Mrs. Wolves sent me this story on the Switchblade a while ago. I've been saving it for a rainy day when I needed an easy, weapons-porn post. This is that day:

The Marines tested a small unmanned aircraft known as the Switchblade recently at Twentynine Palms, Calif., flying it directly at targets from both the ground and the back of the Osprey, a long-range aircraft that has rotors like a helicopter, but can fly like a plane once they rotate forward. They were “inert,” with no explosives on board, but the mission went off without a hitch, said Col. James Adams, commanding officer of Marine Aviation Weapons and Tactics Squadron 1.
“They can kamikaze this thing into a target,” Adams said. “It’s not a huge explosive charge, but like a hand grenade explosive charge.”
The Switchblade’s utility as a kamikaze drone has been known for years. It’s made by AeroVironment, of Monrovia, Calif., a firm that has developed a number of small unmanned aircraft. But most media reports about it have focused on how ground troops could launch it at a target. It can be carried in a backpack, and has wings that flip out after it is fired from a tube, company officials say.

Pretty sweet, if you asked me. Gotta like the Marines staying on the cutting edge of killing people they don't like.

Before we had Murder and Mayhem . . .

. . . we had Charmandar and Pikachu. Yeah, the same kid named them, but he was a little younger for the first batch, as you might have guessed based on the switch from Pokemon characters to, um, murder and mayhem.

Pik and Char were barn cats from a friend. Their mother was reputedly part lynx or bobcat or something. I dont' know about that, but they were very fluffly and cuddly when we got them:

Hard to believe that sweet little boy is Cpl. Wolves:

Cpl. Wolves and his brother, Minnesota Wolves (he lives in Minnesota now), surely loved those kit-tays:

As did we all. But Cpl. Wolves most of all, I think:

Long time ago, and it seems like yesterday. We buried Char less than a year ago -- Pik died a year before that -- and it is one of the few times in many years I have known Cpl. Wolves to cry. He's still a sweet boy, despite being a trained killer.

Wasn't much farming this weekend

Mother's Day, doncha know. Farmer Tom's wife has  something like 10 sisters and they all come over to The Farm for Mother's Day every year. We don't do any real farming then, and this year was no really an exception. I checked up on things, but with one notable departure, I didn't do any farming.

First of all, Farmer Tom got the tomatoes in the ground, so we're good with God:

 Looking around, I saw that the beans are coming in nicely:

The radishes, lettuce and peas also are looking good:

The garlic seems to be enjoying the full sun:

Also, the spinach is pumping:

Spuds are starting to come up:

So are the onions:

Farmer Tom has neglected the asparagus, which got a little leggy. Some of it went to seed. Too early for that:

So, I harvested the appropriate plants and cut back those that had gone to seed. We should still get some good production from here as a result:

Left Farmer Tom with some asparagus:

Next weekend, the cukes, zukes and squash will go in, as will the bell peppers and hot peppers. Good Lord willing and the creek don't rise, of course.

Happy Mother's Day, y'all

Give props to all the mothers in your life. Not everybody gets a great mother, but she brought you into this world, which is no small task. And it ets harder from there. So give her a hug and whatever else you can -- chocolate, flowers, something like that -- and then play this for her:

I'm sure she'll appreciate the thought.

This is a serious jam

A month ago this guy was nobody, had no record deal, probably playing for tips. Now, he is all over country radio, has a deal with Warner Nashville and is climbing the charts. Why? Bobby Bones put this song on the air when Chris Janson sent it to him via email. Wasn't even finished, as it turns out. For those of you who don't know, Bobby Bones does a nationally syndicated country morning show out of Nashville that you should check out. It is not what you think country is. Anyway, this is a jam:

Seriously, buy the download. This guy deserves to be rich. And it's a jam.

We're on a mission from God

I figured I better get this post up before I return to The Farm, since that would be awkward in a time-space continuum sort of way. Anyway, yes, I went to The Farm last week, and we did stuff. And we were operating on instructions from on high. That's right -- last Sunday, the priest informed us during his sermon that God wanted us to plant tomatoes that weekend. Never one to argue with the Almighty, we did. But first of all, we checked in on The Farm's status, and things seem to be growing:

No, really.

Here are the peas. My main task last weekend was to put up a string trellis for the peas:

I did so:

Looks good. Should support all kinds of pea growth. Farmer Tom completed installation of our watering system before I even got there:

This meant there were hoses to be buried:

I buried them:

The hoses are now safe from the mower. Even Jeb the Wonder Dog could not find them:

Finally, we got to our Mission from God: plant tomatoes. So we laid the tomato plants out:

And we set up a trellis for some of them to climb:

I suspect that when I get back to The Farm on Sunday, Farmer Tom will have the tomatoes in the ground, caged up. We'll see. I have squash and zuke seeds in the dirt, waiting to transplant, so there should be plenty of Farm porn to go around soon.
]
After all, we're on a Mission from God: