Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Walking Jeb the Wonder Dog, Deluge Edition

I got home tonight and, as usual, walked Jeb the Wonder Dog and Sadie the Auxiliary Back-up Dog. Sadie pooped, Jeb watched in amusement and peed. As usual. We got inside, and the heavens cut loose. Serious fucking rain. Jeb the Wonder Dog, maybe not too clear on what torrential rain sounds like, looked at me in expectation: My turn to drop the deuce, dude. Hard to argue with his logic, but I had no desire to go out into a frog-strangler, so I tended to other tasks that needed to be completed before I went to bed. JTWD, naturally, got in my way at every turn, reminding me that he really needed to do the doo, while STABUD got in my way at every turn reminding me that bacon is her birthright.

Eventually, it sounded as if the rain had slackened. Since JTWD and STABUD both had managed to con me out of some bacon (one of my tasks involved cooking bacon), it seemed like a good time to take JTWD on his walk.

Wow, what a shitty idea.

While the rain was no longer killing amphibians in low-lying areas, it was still fairly substantial. I quickly promised Jeb the Wonder Dog that we would head for home as soon as he did his business, regardless of where we were in our usual course. Little did I realize this would become a battle of wills.

I should have known. After all, in summer, Jeb cares not about the heat. In winter, under Arctic conditions when I am ready to die, Jeb is unmoved. Snow, ice, sleet, heat -- he doesn't care. Torrential rain -- yeah, whatever. He shook occasionally, but seemed to be in no hurry.

Ultimately, we didn't shorten the walk at all. By the time he finally duked, we were at a point in our usual walk that there was no way to take a shortcut home. So we didn't. I was drenched and miserable. He was drenched and gave exactly zero fucks.

Sometimes I hate that dog.

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