Sunday, March 3, 2013

Maybe I'm in the wrong business

OK, that's a stupid post title, because there is no question I'm in the wrong business. No one in this business is in the right business. But that is beside the point. I raise this possibility -- that I am in the wrong business -- not because temping sucks but because it recently has been made clear to me that other, less demanding professions are far more remunerative. Like, I can make a whole lot more jack doing something else.

What, you might ask, is that something else? And what, you ask again, gave me the idea that such a career path might be more lucrative? OK, stop with the fucking questions, or I swear to God I will ban you from this blog. I'm trying to be, like, literary here, and set the stage with tension and conflict and shit, and you are sitting over there asking questions at inopportune moments and basically just fucking pissing me off, so enough with the questions already, OK? Sweet baby Jeebus. Don't make me smack you.

So anyway, the instigating event behind this rambling is that the agency at which I currently am working --given some recent posts, that might soon be a past-tense kind of thing if they a) figure out who I am or 2) care -- recently has put a bunch of what I guess is art on the walls. There now are about a dozen pieces of "art" on the walls of  the office -- and that's just on the peons' side of the moat. No telling what is over on the noblemens' side of the moat. No, I'm not going to link to the reference, because if you aren't paying enough attention to this blog to know what I'm talking about there, then I will have to simply refer you to the title of the blog. Seriously, people, the moat reference is, like, two posts ago. Work with me, people.

And yes, I am using like, like, on purpose. People who sit within earshot of me on my project are, like, really prone to, like, use the word "like"" as a conversational filler when they, like, have nothing intelligent to say, which is pretty much, like, all the fucking time. But I digress.

So the agency put up a bunch of alleged art on the walls. I guess they have a deal with some studio or something. Beats the fuck out of me why a studio would want their stuff on our walls -- it's not like temps are in the market for this stuff. Not because it sucks -- which, IMHO, it does -- but because it costs an unbelievable amount of money. Each piece of "art" is accompanied by a card mounted on the wall next to the "art" letting you know who is responsible for creating this thing, what media he used, and how much it will cost you to be the hippest stupid fucker in D.C. to put this shit on your wall.

Oddly enough, the most attractive stuff is the cheapest. There are a couple paintings that look like they were drop cloths in a room where I was painting walls multiple colors and I spilled a lot. Those drop cloths cost about a grand. Everything else is north of three grand, including the two pieces that look like somebody threw paint and cottage cheese at the canvas and called it art.

My favorite, though, just happens to be the most expensive. It is about 8 feet long, three feet high, and is apparently a photograph mounted behind an acrylic face. The photo is of what appears to be a closeup of a garden, or maybe just wildflowers and shit. There is some kind of blooming flower, some ferns, some weeds, some broadleaf plants and some other garden-looking plants with water droplets on them.

Now, I'm no artist, so I can't describe the medium properly, but I know what I'm looking at, and what I'm looking at is some college chick's dorm room poster that some asshole is trying to call art and charge $6,800 for. Seriously, if I could figure out how to mount shit behind acrylic the way this peckerhead does, I'd be out the fucking door. Looks like I could charge six grand for pictures of my empty beer cans so long as I make the picture big enough and mount it behind acrylic however the fuck that dude did that. I can't believe this shit.

Naturally, inquiring minds want to know, what the fuck is all this shit doing on our walls? Nobody thinks that temps are in the market for shit that claims to be art -- sheet metal, painted yellow and covered with wax, then run through a heavy-duty sewing machine a couple times to lay down a couple lines of stitches, seriously? -- and we don't get a lot of visitors. I guess we get some visitors, and they tend to be from big-shot law firms. so they have money and I guess maybe they might like something on our walls enough to buy it.  If those folks are buying this shit, then I need to get me some paint and cottage cheese and start abusing some canvasses. Like, seriously.

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