Tuesday, October 13, 2015

This is why no one reads the New York Times.

I refuse to link to the original New York Times piece because it is such an incredible piece of douchery that it is hard to believe that it is serious. I give a hat tip to Ace for alerting me to this, and I apologize for taking so long to get to it. I also thank Ace for referring to this piece as "hate bait," intended to draw views from people who can't believe how stupid the piece is but still provide links to the piece, thus accomplishing the goal of publishing something so stupid in the first place.

Rather than deal with the moronicness of this post myself, I leave it to someone who is clearly far more capable than I at dissecting  liberal stupidity. I pass you over to Monster Hunter Nation to deal with the idiocy that is this post:
More like modern pajama boy man-child. This New York Times article is so remarkably stupid that it has already been mocked across the entire internet. However, as a manly man of manliness, it is my responsibility to address this piece of fuckwittery. The same way that as a professional working writer I am compelled to respond to stupid writing advice that might otherwise screw up aspiring authors, I have to Fisk this.
See, I have two sons. As a father, it is my duty to point out really stupid shit, so they can avoid becoming goony hipster douche balloons. So boys, this Fisk was written for you.
As usual, the original is italics and my comments are in bold.
Even the header is wrong. This article is the opposite of self-help. This is like the instruction guide for how to live life as a sex-free eunuch. 27 Ways to Be a Modern ManAlternate Title: Does the Touch of a Woman Confuse and Frighten You? 27 Ways to Avoid Girl Cooties.
Who took time off from his busy schedule at the nail salon to write this.
SEPTEMBER 29, 2015
What follows is one dude’s bizarrely specific pronouncements, which range from preachy but passable, to full turnip. Now, if this jackass had just lived his life according to his own code, real men wouldn’t give a shit, but of course not… This is the New York Times, bastion of bullshit, which will not be content unless it is telling you how you’re living your life wrong.
As for knowing sizes, no. As children, your mother buys clothes for you. Right now your requests for her seem to be “Get a shirt with Deadpool on it” and that is good. But as men large of stature you will eventually purchase your own clothing from the Extra Large Casual Male Outlet or the Cabella’s Catalog.

Being a modern man today is no different than it was a century ago. It’s all about adhering to principle. Sure, fashion, technology and architecture change over time, as do standards of etiquette, not to mention ways of carrying oneself in the public sphere. But the modern man will take the bits from the past that strike him as relevant and blend them with the stuff of today.
My sons, as you go through life you will learn that libprog rags like the NYT, Slate, and HuffPo usually start their bullshit articles with a paragraph that sounds all sorts of reasonable. Beware. It is a trick.
When the modern man buys shoes for his spouse, he doesn’t have to ask her sister for the size. And he knows which brands run big or small.
Who the hell buys shoes for their wife? As you grow older you will learn that many women like to shop for clothing and shoes. No. I don’t understand it either. But as a manly man, your duty is to work and provide money to your woman, so that she may go and do this sort of thing if she wants.

Dear God, the rest of this post is stupid funny. You have to go there and read the whole thing. It's worth the trip.

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