Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Temp elevator antics

This blog is supposed to be about life in Temp Town, chronicling the lives of temporary attorneys in the nation's capital. That's how I make my living, after all, so I should know something about it.

Alas, temps bore me, and they bore most other sentient beings, as well. I've written about most of the things that I have found interesting about temps, and so am reduced to awaiting interesting interludes that just happen. Fortunately, two occurred just this week, both involving elevators.

I thought I had mentioned this before, but a couple searches of the blog indicate that I have not, which surprises me. So I'll mention it now. Contract attorneys are roughly 351 percent more likely than the average person to wait for an elevator standing with their nose two inches from the crack in the center of the door. When your elevator opens, if you work in a building with contract attorneys working there as well, when you elevator opens, there will be a dorky-looking person standing there in the middle of the doorway, less than inches from where the closed doors were seconds before.

By the way, they also will think proximity equals right of way. When I ride the elevator on any project, I always stand back from the door because I know that when it opens, a temp waiting for the elevator will be standing there, nose mere inches from the outer door. You don't want to be too close to that. So today, when I took the elevator back to the workspace after taking a break, I stood back.

Good damn thing. When the elevator arrived at my floor, the door opened and I started to step forward to leave the elevator. Had I been at the door instead of a couple steps back, I would have run right into the temp who was waiting with his nose practically pressed against the outer doors. As it was, he apparently felt that because he was closest to the door, he had the right of way and promptly attempted to rush onto the elevator before I had a chance to exit. This shit is so common in Temp Town that I didn't even flinch -- I stepped forward, didn't deviate course and made sure he took a shoulder to the chest. Hey, I'm a dick. What can I say? I'm sure he didn't learn that maybe you should let people get off the elevator before rushing on, but I ain't a teacher.

The second elevator-related incident today was actually a new one for me. When I was leaving for the day, another temp was already in the elevator lobby, waiting for an elevator. When one arrive, she walked on first, and I followed. When I got on the elevator, I noted that she was too busy face-down in her smart phone -- doubtless smarter than her -- to be bothered with pushing a button to let the elevator know what floor she wanted to go to. I gave serious thought to pressing a totally random button and getting off the elevator to let her go whereever, but in a moment of weakness, I pressed the button for the lobby. Sometimes I disappoint myself so.

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