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Tuesday, April 7, 2020

At last, I triumph over the machine

My job -- the glorious, high-paying job that has kept me away from the blog for so long -- ended last week. A week ago today, in fact. This morning, finally, seven days after the end of that job, seven days of trying by phone and online to file for unemployment, I finally succeeded. One of the guys who was on the gig with me finally got through yesterday by staying on hold for four hours. Seemed like a bit too much for me, since the jammed phone lines kept making my call drop after about 15 minutes. So I devised a strategy. I called before the office opened, spent about 10 minutes punching numbers in response to their before-we-transfer-you-to-a-representative questions, by which time they were open, and I instantly got a representative, who quickly took most of the same information I had just entered and BOOM! My claim was filed. I have not patented or trademarked this method. Feel free to use it yourself if you are trying to get through to the overwhelmed D.C. unemployment office. No need to thank me.

This reminds me of a haiku I never wrote. It goes like this:

Unemployment claim
Can't get through jammed lines, website
But still triumphant.

Or maybe like this:

Corona virus
Can't stop me from filing my
Unemployment claim.

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