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Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Blast from the past

Not gonna lie, with a whole lot of nothing to do, this project has gotten boring. And so I cast my memory back there, Lord -- how many of you putzes just missed the Van Morrison reference? -- to a project I was on in the first half of 2009. We started with 10 people, ran about 3 months, then added 20, and another 2 weeks later added 30 more. And then the trouble started.

We were located at the law firm. When it was 10 of us, five were in a conference room, and the other five, me included, were in a file storage room next door, along with the files. Naturally, we were far from the law firm's real offices. We were in the other tower and nine floors away. Plausible deniability for the firm.

Unfortunately for the firm, the addition of 20, and then 30 contract attorneys meant those folks were working inside the firm's actual space. Sure, they tried to put them in out-of-the-way places, but nature will prevail. Sure enough, those contract attorneys began to explore. They wandered not just the spaces of the firm, they wandered around floors in the building that were leased by other companies. The result was a memo from the firm -- NOT the agency, alas -- telling the temps to stop wandering around and scaring the natives. I have never understood what those wandering temps hoped to find. But I would kill for a copy of that memo, because while it did not read exactly like this, it sounded like this:

To: You worthless sack of shit contract attorneys in the North Tower, 10th floor (South Tower, 2nd floor, pay no attention)

From: Actual attorneys who want nothing to do with you

Re: Roaming the halls, scaring the natives and being generally offensive

All contract attorneys working on the 10th floor will immediately cease wandering the halls, as your presence is disturbing to those of us who will be here long after you are gone. Further, those of you who are wandering the halls on floors that are not leased by the firm will please stop doing so, as the companies leasing those floors are disturbed by your presence and are planning to mount an effort to evict our firm if you people don't stop scaring them. And you're disgusting. So go away. Now.

Any questions?

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