I don't really see how he hasn't already picked up a couple of these trophies, frankly. This must be the year, though. Let's face it, "Do you want to stand out?" is classic. "If you can't perform, a lot of people want your seat" is straight out of "How to Win Friends and Influence People." But Bruce has added to his manager-of-the-year argument, and I think he's sealed the deal. On the zombie swordfish project last week, we were treated to what may be the finest motivational speech ever. Much better than the constant "speed up or we will fucking fire your worthless ass" speeches. Oh no, this one was truly inspired.
We were told that our review rate reflected our character. Not the complexity of the document, not the uncooperative nature of the computer platform, but our character. Now, I'm not a slow reviewer. I catch a little shit from the "why are you working us out of a job" crowd, but I get bored and can't help myself. In any event, I don't need or want to hear the "speed up" bullshit, and neither do a lot of other people. Yet we are exposed to it. So let's run with it.
Are you saying my character is slow? Or fast? What does that mean? You think my character is mentally handicapped? Or sexually easy? I'm confused. What is it you are saying that my review rate is saying about my character? Does this mean that if I am careful, and actually review the documents for content, I am a bad person? Or does it mean that a slow computer review platform can make me a bad person by preventing rapid review? I am so confused that I am tempted to just say "Fuck you" and not bother to even try to figure out what you are saying, Bruce. In fact, that's what I'm going with. Maybe that reflects my character. Or maybe it says something about yours, Bruce.
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