No questions, please

I have dealt previously with the foolishness of asking contract attorneys if they have any questions. See
We have met the enemy, and he is us.  That is not the main thrust of that post, but it touches on the subject. Actually, that session was a study in why you should never ever ever ask contract attorneys for questions. That fine day, to the extent there were substantive questions regarding the task contemplated, the answer had already been given during the firm attorney's presentation. His frustration was palpable.

That wasn't even the worst part of the questions posited that day, though. Like Peter denying knowing Jesus, three times CAs asked how long this particular task would last and what that would mean for the overall length of the project. Each time, the firm attorney deflected the question, claiming not to know for sure -- Remember, They're Lying -- but this didn't stop people from asking again and again, using slightly different formulations. But that wasn't even the worst of the questions.

At the start of every project, the CAs are told by the agency that all administrative questions should be directed to the agency, not the law firm, because the firm does not deal with administrative issues, only substantive issues related to the case at hand. Things like hours, pay, time off and whether there will be free food are matters for the agency. Whether sales reports are responsive is a question for the firm. This is drilled into CAs at the start of every project, usually involving the implication of a horrible death should any CA violate the directive.

Oddly enough, this oft-repeated threat of doom was not enough to stop one CA that memorable day. On that project, there was a quality-control team, checking the work of the first-level reviewers, that was being paid more money. Yes, I was on that team. Clearly resentful over not being included in the QC team, a first-review CA decided that, since everyone would be doing the task being described by the firm attorney -- I can't remember if it was This or That, or whether the attorney represented the Left Hand or the Right Hand, but I digress -- now was the perfect time for his question:

CA: Now that we'll all be doing the same thing, will we all be paid the same?

Firm Attorney: (Long silence.) I don't know anything about that.

Agency reps could be seen at the back of the room, seething. Nothing pisses off the agency more than CAs embarrassing the agency in front of the client firm, which this putz had just done in spades. Most folks figured he would be gone by the end of the day.

Oddly enough, he was not fired, or at least not immediately. For all I know, he's still riding that zombie swordfish, which, by the way, apparently still lives. It's a strange world.