Happy Mother's Day to all who have earned the greeting

As for the rest of you, dude, what are you doing reading this? Call your mother right now. I hope you rememberd a card. And flowers. And chocolate. No? Oh, you are so screwed. This is how you thank the woman who brought you into this world? Dude, she brought you in, she can take you out. Get with it. There might still be time to salvage this hot mess.

Something like this would be appropriate: