Wednesday, March 4, 2015

The roads were fine, but the walk -- now that was interesting

We had a sleet/freezing rain event today. It occurred entirely while I was at work, so I did not have to venture out into it, but Mrs. Wolves texted me in the afternoon and let me know that my drive home might be challenging. Since I have managed to stay out of the ditch through all of our recent winter weather events that have forced me to drive home through them, I was feeling pretty good about my odds.

And as it turned out, by the time I left work, two things had happened. The roads had been treated, and the temperature had risen. No ice on the roads, at least not that I could tell.

Sidewalks? Different story. It wasn't like Sunday night, when I was the only one on my block who de-iced his sidewalk. That actually was better -- because all of the sidewalk except for the part in front of my house was iced over, I knew what to do. Walking on ice is not a big deal -- just walk like a penguin, taking small steps and never really taking your feet off the ice. Shuffle, waddle, whatever you want to call it, you won't fall.

You also won't move very fast. This is a problem for me, because I actually have two dog-walks every night when I get home. First, I walk Jeb the Wonder Dog and Sadie the Auxiliary Back-up Dog together. Jeb pees on everything in sight, and Sadie poops. Five, ten minutes, tops. I waddled as necessary Sunday, with the sidewalks iced over, and when possible I let Jeb pull me along, sliding on the ice, for much of the walk. Kinda fun, like those kids at the mall who have roller skate wheels in the heels of their shoes. I never have figured out how the fuck you walk in those normally. But I digress.

But then I have to walk Jeb again so that he will unleash evil. This is a two-mile, half-hour walk. He needs the exercise, and so do I. Ice complicates this and can make it take much longer than a half-hour. Sunday, we walked in the street, which was ice free. Tonight, different ballgame.

Most of the sidewalks on our two-mile trek were ice-free. Probably 80 percent. The problem, of course, is that other 20 percent. My neighborhood has no streetlights, so I would find myself walking cheerfully on dry (or at least ice-free) sidewalk, and then I suddenly would be sliding all over the place. This happened just at random, and I usually couldn't see the ice before I hit it. I never went down, but I was slip-sliding, Jeb was slip-sliding -- it was like a fucking Paul Simon concert:

Yeah, cheap reference. Live with it.

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