Tuesday, July 7, 2015

That swordfish pulled up lame all the sudden like

I have written often of how a project is like a swordfish on the hook, starting strong but always succumbing in the end. Well, this swordfish looked like it was going to run for another couple weeks. Today, the agency revealed that the swordfish is on the deck and is dead meat just as soon as they can find a mallet to beat it to death with. We got a kind of informal announcement, and then, tonight, this email (heavily edited to protect the guilty; my comments are in [bold and in brackets] ):
I have some very good news – [the agency] has another [project] that is currently slated to start next Wednesday, July 15. It will be a large project with a duration of 2+ months. No details have been set about hours, pay, or team size, but it’s a [project of the kind that means] the hours are typically long and the team is typically large. Our plan is for the new project team to be comprised entirely of [current project] reviewers that we can roll over onto that project. To make this happen, however, we must finish [a bunch of shit we've been working on] by next Monday evening (July 13). We have [a bunch of shit, but not that much shit] left to review, so it will take some work to get there – but I think we can get it done if we all put our heads down and work diligently for the next several days.

Not everyone will be able to roll over onto the new project, though, as some reviewers will stay on [the current project] to [do the shit that temps do], and I imagine the new team size will not be quite as large as this one [which means some of you are fucked, and you have no idea of knowing who you are]. We will be selecting those who will roll over based on two factors: work product, and their ability to give us some good, focused hours in the upcoming week. [Translation: kiss ass and work a lot.]  Those who show a dedication to helping us finish this project by Monday will have a big leg up on those who don’t. [Translation: "a big leg up" means you could still be fucked even if you kiss ass and work a lot.] The new [project] is going to start whether we finish the [shit we're working on] on Monday or not, so if reviewers want a chance to roll onto that one, we have to finish by Monday – otherwise we have to recruit [people not on the current project] for the new project.

We have another project started to begin later this month as well, which I am hoping coincides with the wrap-up of this matter – this will help to ensure that those reviewers who stay longer on [the current project] also have a project to potentially roll onto. There are no guarantees, of course, but that is how we are hoping it plays out. [Translation: those folks are probably fucked.]

[The agency] will provide more details on the upcoming projects as information is made available to us.

Thank you all for the several months of hard work that you have put into this project, it is very much appreciated. The finish line is in sight, but even better – a new project is right around the corner [unless you're one of the people who is fucked].
So there you have it. Who's fucked? Who knows? Just another day in Temp Town.

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