Sunday, January 4, 2015

I can't believe the indignities I subject myself to for team loyalty

I just spent more than three hours rooting for a team I hate more than -- um, fuck, I don't know, herpes? No, I don't have herpes, but I have to believe I would really hate it -- anyway, I really fucking hate the Detroit Lions, and there I was, rooting for them to win. Why? Because they have an awesome defense that probably could beat the Seahawks in Seattle. The Seahawks' offense is so-so, but their defense is great. They lose against teams that play defense well. As it is, the Lions, who entered the fourth quarter with a lead, managed to to what they always do: choke, and snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. That means the Seahawks get to play the Panthers, who had to win their playoff game against a practice squad quarterback just to get to a .500 record. Seattle will kill them. And the Packers have to play Dallas, who is actually good. Fortunately, we play them at Lambeau, so I like our chances, but even if we win, we have to go to Seattle, which is a really hard place to play as a visitor. Fucking Lions.

Now, almost as bad as rooting for the Lions (unsuccessfully, dammit!), I have to root for the Panthers next week. I have a friend at work who is a Panthers fan who has been totally fucking obnoxious about them making the playoffs despite having a losing record ("Fact: the Panthers are objectively the best team in the league"). I really want to see them go down to humiliating defeat. Now, I have to root for that to happen in the NFC title game at Lambeau, which means I have to endure two more weeks of Panthers leg-humping by this guy. Lord, take me now.

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