Sunday, January 11, 2015


The Packers triumphed over the Cowboys, giving joy to everyone who hates the Cowboys, which is everyone. Sure, it means we have to go to Seattle next week and face a really good team, but I don't care. Today, we beat a really good team. And you know what? We did it with really good game food.

Nephew to Wolves came to the game today, bringing his girlfriend, Knows Fuck-all About Wolves. Well, she got an introduction today, and took it like a champ. She is a vegetarian, which required some changes to the usual Wolves carnivorous game food. Because we are nothing if not inclusive, I prepared several veggie-friendly dishes. We started with a veggie tray:

I also did some veggie-friendly skins (using non-bacon bacon bits):

And we threw in some caramel dip and apples:

Not content with that, I went with a suggestion from Mrs. Wolves and put out some Swiss fondue, using bread chunks and Swiss cheese. It's easy. Start with a fondue mix (let's not make this too complicated, people):

Cut up a baguette or some other kind of bread -- your choice -- into roughly one-inch squares:

Fill a bowl of that stuff:

Heat the cheese on the stove, then put your fondue pot over heat and dip away. Fucking excellent:

Naturally, there was no way I was going to completely abandon my carnivorous ways. We also had regular skins, with full bacon loaded:

And pigs in a blanket:

But the piece de resistance was the bacon-wrapped doughnuts. I used Krispy Kreme glazed doughnuts, which brought down the wrath of Mrs. Wolves, who, as does any good Southerner, holds Krispy Kreme glazed doughnuts on a high pedestal. When she found out what I had planned, she said this: "That is a crime against nature. Do you know what happens to people who do things like that? Think Dr. Frankenstein. Too much hubris, creating a new life form."

Despite spousal disapproval, I went ahead with my plan. First, freeze some glazed doughnuts (I understand if Krispy Kreme is not available to you, but I also fee sorry or you):

Take those bad boys out of the freezer, and get some bacon:

Wrap each of those doughnuts in bacon. I used half-slices, as that is how I generally store bacon, but I think it might be better to use uncut slices. I will try this next week. Half slices worked, though:

I put the wrapped doughnuts on a broiler pan. Set your oven at 400 degrees, and cook those suckers for 20-25 minutes, until the bacon is crisp:

When they are done, they should look like this:

And taste like this:

Just fucking excellent. Yes, these will be featured throughout the playoffs. NFC Championship Game next week, people. At Seattle, tough team, we'll see how it goes, but the food will be good. Count on it.

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